Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Lost cats, scratched up kids and piles of laundry

So I went to California last week and it was sunny and warm (downright hot in the desert) and filled with palm trees and I had a great time.  This trip was even busier than usual- our short day was a 14 hour one from leaving one hotel to checking in to another one. I didn't even turn on my computer for three straight days.  So I really didn't have time to miss the kids or Daniel.  But I was happy to return to them on Monday night.  Even though Vivian had apparently fallen in the backyard and her legs were all covered with scratches. And Ethan's face was scratched from some altercation at school. Oh, and his friend had hit him in the face with a ball and popped the lenses out of my glasses.

Oh, and then there was the first night of  my trip when I was getting a tour of a gorgeous oceanfront resort (I SO need to become independently wealthy...) and Daniel called to tell  me that my cat had gotten out. Given the fact that the cat had escaped in Seattle and I was in California at the time, I'm not sure what my role was in this.  Fortunately he found her after about an hour of searching.  She has recently decided that it's vitally important that she become an outdoor cat and spends a great deal of her time trying out how to make this happen, so I wasn't upset at him for her escaping. Calling to tell me before he found her, that I could have done without. 

After I was filled in on all that went on while I was gone, I accused Daniel of trying to make me think that he couldn't handle things at home so that I wouldn't travel anymore. I also informed him that his plan had not worked. Although I am planning to stay home for the near future.

I'm feeling a little panicky today in general, because press trips generate a lot of work to do once I'm home and then the laundry is piled up and it's the day that I need to pay the bills and ha! I have a whole review blog that I haven't done anything for in ages! And Vivian wants a sandwich. No wait! She wants noodles! No wait! She wants me to update her toy that requires being connected to the internet. Is it too early for a drink? (Yes, yes it is.)

As usual, my solution to the massive list is to not do any of  it and instead browse the internet to see what I missed while being mostly offline during my trip.  Makes total sense, right?


Thursday, May 9, 2013

The traveling one

I remember thinking several distinct thoughts at some point in my early relationship with Daniel. One thought was "I'm so glad he's happy in his career and that he also hates reading and studying and will never go back to grad school."  The other was "I'm so glad he works for a company that doesn't require him to travel."  My dad didn't travel much when I was a kid, but he did go to grad school several times and then my mom did as well when I was in high school. It wasn't bad, just busy.  And I have friends whose husbands travel a lot and it doesn't look like much fun for those at home.

Those thoughts came to mind this week as I'm preparing to travel again next week, this time being away from home for 5 full days.  My in-laws will come down before I leave and be here until just hours before I get back, so Daniel will have help.  Last time I traveled for work he went up to Canada.  He's got a job he can do from home and he works approximately 100,000 hours per normal week, so it's not like he's getting in trouble for only working 80,000 hours per week while he juggles the kids. 

And I juggled grad school  and work and kids and the review blog for the past 9 months. And if I can do it, he certainly can. But still. I feel a little guilty. I'm the stay-at-home mom, and I'm flying off on another trip without the family. (Being a stay-at-home mom and a travel writer at the same time is weird). 

Daniel is uber-supportive and I couldn't do any of this without him.  I just never expected to be both the one in grad school and the one traveling away from the family.  It's not bad, just not where I expected to be.

But in other news, I get to go on a hot air balloon ride on this next trip! BEST JOB EVER!!!!

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

In which I feel like a failure and then get annoyed at myself for feeling like a failure and feel worse.

Three years ago I ran in the Free Them 5K, a race that raises funds and awareness to fight human trafficking. That event pretty much turned my life upside down and led to me applying for grad school to study public policy.  It's a really important event to me and I believe in it thoroughly.

Except it's coming up this Saturday and I do not want to run it.  Correction, I don't want to show up and have to walk it, because the main thing that has not been making the cut on my to-do list is exercise. I was doing pretty well until the great plague of March, and then I just never got back into it. And now we're just a few days out and I'm going to be lucky to just walk the 5K.

But then I get annoyed at myself for beating myself up about that.  And the vicious cycle of feeling like a failure continues. 

I'm not even dealing with grad school right now, but for some reason I'm feeling overwhelmed.  Post-semester stress disorder?  :)  I don't actually even have that much going on right now and I generally get my to-do list finished every day, and occasionally I even remember that dinner exists and that I have to cook it before 7 PM (not often, but occasionally). 

I wish I could cut myself some slack. I just can't seem to convince my brain that it's okay to not be great at everything.  I just want to do everything perfectly and get so upset at myself when I can't. Or in this case, when I was lazy and didn't put effort into something that matters to me.

UGH. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Sunshine!

So I went to San Antonio last week. And three of the four press people that were on the trip were from the Pacific Northwest.  So it, of course, rained for most of the time we were there. We accepted the blame.  Fortunately, I returned to sunshine.  But the sunshine is making me do weird things. Like finally call the dentist to schedule a cleaning appointment (afraid of making phone calls, not afraid of the dentist).  And making plans with the next door neighbor for dinner! 

Our poor next door neighbor. We've been making plans with her and postponing for weeks. But I was having massive allergy issues, then Daniel got slammed at work, then I was finishing my semester, then I went on my trip, and now things are finally slow enough to stop and take a deep breath and socialize.  She seems very nice, so I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. And I've decided that it's time to finally hire a babysitter, so also looking forward to getting to know her teenage daughter.  For all my talk about putting marriage first, that hasn't really been the reality.  In truth, I'm so worn out by the time Daniel gets home that I'm not a very interesting person to hang out with. And our weekends have been filled with separate activities. So it's time to hire a babysitter and go spend some quality time together. Until I fall asleep in my dinner.  Whatever.

In other news, Daniel took this picture of the kids this past weekend and I LOVE it. It sums up everything about my kids' personalities.  Ethan is outgoing and loves hamming it up for the camera and being around people. Vivian is more reserved and cannot be convinced to do anything she doesn't want to do. Especially if strangers may be in the vicinity. And Ethan wears brown, black or yellow all the time, while Vivian prefers more colorful outfits (to put it mildly).
I love these two!