Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Fanning the flames

Okay, so this is totally NOT on the topic of Ethan and his surgery or Children's Hospital. For once.  This is something that happened last week and I knew I had to write about it, but keep forgetting.

So, this takes place last Friday, at my oral surgeon's office. I had an implant placed a couple of weeks ago and had to go back on Friday afternoon for them to check it. And, since Daniel had missed work for my implant and would be missing this week for Ethan's stuff, I had to take the kids along.  It was to be a fast appointment, and we have plenty of distracting electronic devices for them to play with, so no big deal.

And the kids were good, other than spilling a cup of ice water on my lap in the waiting room and disagreeing a bit on who got to hold the toy.

So the appointment was done and we were ready to check out. And the guy at the front desk starts talking to me loudly about my kids and how cute they are, and then began to say this: "You're my hero! I don't know how you stay at home with kids all day. You're just amazing!" (Not too bad so far, right?) And then he turns to the woman sitting at the desk next to him and said "I think she's just amazing! She stays home with her kids all day!"  And THEN he says to me "(Name of the coworker sitting next to him) has a baby who is almost 1 and who is just starting to walk."

That's right! He gushed effusively about the wonders of stay-at-home moms IN FRONT OF HIS WORKING MOM COWORKER! I wanted to throw the remnants of the cup of ice water at him.  Fortunately, before he made the comment about his coworker also being a mom, I had made comments about how much I enjoy the days when my son goes to school and how it is tough and I do often miss my job. 

Working moms and stay-at-home moms have enough angst as it is, justifying our choices to ourselves and our friends and trying to figure out what works for our families, and (obviously well-meaning, but misguided) comments like this do not help.  Personally, I know that I need to be at home now, especially with all of Ethan's issues.  But that doesn't mean I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom forever or that I think I am doing a better job than I was when I was a working mom- in fact most of the time I worry that Vivian isn't getting all the education and stimulation that Ethan got when he was in daycare.  Still, this is what's right for my family right now.  But it has no relevance for what is right for anyone else and her situation.

And now I am done venting and it is 3PM and I think I need another cup of coffee to get me through the afternoon.

1 comment:

Andrea said...

That would have made me feel weird

I /feel/ like I should be home with my kids....then again, I think I'd be less grouchy at them with working again. HA. Life.