Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Bravery

Ethan's first surgery is finally scheduled- the first feeding tube will be placed on October 10th.  Then he'll have a follow-up surgery in three months to replace it with another type of tube.  Not looking forward to dealing with the pump all night again, but glad that there's a solution to his weight loss coming soon.

It's a glorious, quiet afternoon here in my condo. All the bus drama of last week is finally dealt with and Ethan was whisked off to school on time this afternoon. Vivian has happily started napping again now that there's nothing more exciting going on, so that's pretty terrific.  I'm cleaning and trying to catch up on blog posts, as I'm having dental surgery on Thursday and will be out of commission for that day. 

I've also been thinking a lot today, after some interesting conversations with my therapist this morning.  Having thoughts about courage and bravery. That's a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately, thanks to a couple of books that I read.  Thinking about the person I used to be- the EMT who worked on an ambulance, the 23-year-old who moved to Ukraine for a year, not knowing a soul there.  I've never been a live-on-the edge type, but I lived a pretty big life.  I've been feeling lately like I sort of lost that bravery and sense of wondering what's out there to experience. I'm controlled by silly things, like my phobia of making phone calls. And I avoid books or movies or TV shows that aren't almost entirely positive and happy and fluffy. 

I want my old courage back- I want to start experiencing new things again, and I want Ethan and Vivian to grow up thinking of life as a great adventure. 

Just not sure how to go about it yet. 

1 comment:

Healthy Branscoms said...

Courage goes out the window when it comes to our babies. :(
You are a strong woman and an amazing mom! :) Love ya girl! Erin

Praying for Ethan! That after his surgery he becomes the best little eater ever! :)