Tuesday, August 17, 2010

An open letter of apology to my kids

Dear kids,

I skipped out on bedtime prayers tonight and just couldn't face the two of you, even for long enough to say goodnight. I was just too done.  Today started way too early and really got going at our 8 AM appointment at Children's Hospital.  And there's something about starting your day at Children's that sends things downhill so fast.

I am so utterly, beyond grateful to live near a hospital like Children's that does so much good and is such a good resource. But seeing little tiny babies with oxygen tanks and feeding tubes and bald toddlers in the hallways is so sad and terrifying to me as a mom. And there's always a sense of relief and then immediate guilt that I'm only dealing with a failure to grow/eat issue and not something more serious.

But even that feeling was a little rocked today when the GI people looked at Daniel and I and said that they were very concerned.  Given everything that we're doing, a complete lack of any weight gain in 3 months is serious. Very serious. 

Ethan's being put on an appetite stimulant that has a moderate success rate.  Hopefully he'll be one who responds well.  If not, the endoscopy in a month to rule out any last physical issues that haven't been detected. Regardless, they want intensive therapy for him in the feeding area. 

We're still waiting on a phone call back from the Seattle schools on his speech issues. An enormous, huge, gigantic thanks to Mona for all her help and advice and "been there" stories on that. It's made the whole thing so much less scary and huge.

Thankfully I had an IKEA outing planned for today with one of my best friends, so I had a distraction from all this stuff for a while. But then we were done shopping and I was home with the kids alone and Daniel had to work late and by the time he was home and in daddy mode I was done. Done, done, done. So now I'm hiding in our bedroom with the fan and the sad little portable A/C unit (yes, it's still unbearably hot here) and just trying to regroup. 

Oh, and I am really realizing that I'm running a 5K on Saturday. In front of people. Who will see me all sweaty, which is one of the most terrifying, horrible things that could happen to a woman who spent 10 years of her life in the South where women always look nice and definitely do not sweat in public. A light "glow" is acceptable, and that's it. 

And in other weird and random news, on our way to IKEA today we were heading south on the interstate when I finally realized that there were no cars coming north.  At all. Then when we drove further, we realized it was closed because the President was about to land at the nearby airport and drive north on the freeway. Still, really weird to see a totally deserted interstate in the middle of the day. Then there was the whole seaplane-into-restricted-airspace-fighter-jet-sonic-boom that totally shook all of IKEA while we ate our frozen yogurt cones, which was also really weird and confusing until we got home and found out what was going on.

Now I have to close this random mess of a blog post and go watch this week's Mad Men episode online. Hurray for escapism! 

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