Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Jealousy

I've been really struggling with jealousy lately. In a vast number of areas of my life.  I don't like this about myself.  Because not only does this mean that my perspective and my focus is not on what God wants it to be, but I also have thoughts about others that 1) aren't entirely true and 2) aren't loving and supportive. And I don't like that I'm not spending time being grateful for all the HUGE number of things that God has blessed me with and the things that are good about my life, but on the few, relatively minor things. Because those are the challenges that He's letting us go through to help strengthen us. 

I'm also really short-tempered lately. That's partially because I spend all my days being slowly worn down by the crazy peeing-non-napping kids and haven't had anything resembling a break from them in ages, but it's also, again, a matter of perspective in my life.  It's this ongoing obsessive, type-A personality that sees the unmade bed and the unfolded laundry and the to-do list for work as more important than sitting and reading a book to my kids.

It's so unbelievably exasperating to not be able to keep my self and my focus and my priorities on track for more than about 1 millisecond.  Hopefully I can get off the spoiled brat track and back on the loving wife and mother and follower of Christ track. 

On days like this, I'm so grateful for the truth in the Bible. Scriptures like this one give me hope.
"as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."—Psalm 103:12
I'm so glad He's patient and forgiving. I'd be lost otherwise. 

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