Thursday, February 18, 2010

I must remember

I received the unbelievably good news this week that not one, but two of my dear friends who have been struggling with infertility for some time are pregnant! I am so excited that I want to shout it from the rooftops, but since it's early days still for both, I have to just blog about it without sharing any of their details. I told one friend today that I think I might be more excited about her pregnancy than I was about my own- it's much more fun to be on the watching and buying presents side of things rather than the hormones and weight gain and aching back part :)  I didn't share that last part with her. She doesn't need to be thinking about that yet.

It's been really interesting talking to these friends- in both cases the women are super highly educated and knowledgeable about science and the mechanics of pregnancy, but in both cases that knowledge has been useless as they are going through the daily "is this normal" and "what does this mean" unknown.

I told both friends that I would be happy to answer any questions that they might have from my perspective, but that I would not offer unsolicited advice. But I'm still having to really restrain myself, especially in the areas that have some similarity to my own experience.  I have to remember that what worked for my family for a work/daycare balance might not be the right answer for others. I have to remember that my childbirth options are probably not the same ones that are best for my friends. That even though I decided not to give up my one diet soda per day doesn't mean that it's the right decision for my friends.

This is a hard thing for moms, I think. We spend so much time and energy researching and thinking and deciding about every single little detail of everything, when someone else makes a different decision it gives us (or at least me) a momentary twinge of wondering if we chose wrong. But, I need to remember that that's not the case at all.  I'm a good mom and made good decisions for my family and my life, but my friends need to make those same decisions for themselves, and it's okay if they chose a path that I didn't want to walk down.  That doesn't make one of us a better mom than the other, it just makes us different.

That being said, they better like the baby clothes that I buy for their kids. Because my taste in baby clothes is always right :)

Now I just wish my husband would hurry up and get online so that I could tell him the most recent good news!


Andrea said...

YAY!!! I love hearing that kind of news. My husband's ex girlfriend and her husband were struggling with trying to conceive for over a year and when I heard she was pregnant I was thrilled for her. Too bad I couldn't call her on the phone a congratulate her without looking like a stalker. ha ha

Congratulate your friends for me. I will be praying for easy pregnancies and healthy babies!

Emma said...

I love reading your blog as I often feel exactly the same way! My sister in law is pregnant and I have watched her make decisions on what is right for her and the baby and it has made me stop and question the way I was when I was pregnant. I hope I don't keep feeling the same way about her parenting style but I guess we have to find our own way as parents.