Thursday, February 11, 2010

February in Seattle

To those of you buried under snow- I apologize for this content. But spring is here in Seattle! The kids and I just came back from the store, and on our walk we saw trees blooming and daffodils and crocuses (crocuses? croci?)  It's really pretty.

Some of you emailed me about my blog being offline for a few days. I'm trying to figure out what exactly to do with this blog. I feel like it's turned into a giant whiny mess. But the truth is, I'm having a really bad time right now. Not sure if it's the return of the rain or my hormone fluctuations thanks to weaning Vivian or the utter lack of time to myself and little sleep or what. But I'm kind of a mess. I feel most sorry for Daniel in all of this- he comes home to me crying most days. Last night I just broke down and kept saying "but how can you like me when *I* dont like me." It's hard for me to believe that he can love this messy, fat, boring version of me, when the me he married less than 4 years ago had a career and made money and had a social life and was 30 pounds thinner. My brain knows that he does still love me and he shows it, but I just can't grasp that. 

And that right there is an example of the crap that I feel like I always subject you all to here on the blog and I don't like that. So I'm going to take a few days off and restrict my whining to purely offline methods. I'll be back on Monday to blog about our Olympic experiences and Chinese New Year in Vancouver. I can't believe the Olympics are finally almost here!

Anyway, Vivian's about to get the cable cord again (I forgot how much work it is when they get mobile!), so I better go intervene in that.  

Oh and look who's 2 1/2! My little boy is growing up!

1 comment:

Andrea said...

:-( We wouldn't read if we weren't right there feeling the SAME things you do.

For me, both times, my postpartum depression came right about the time my girls hit 7 months...It seems odd, but I think before I was just in survival mode and couldn't really think about how much my life has changed. I of course love my life now, but it can sometimes be depressing when you hear about past co-workers or friends (in my case fellow opera singers) advancing and traveling and performing when I know I was more talented than they were. (yes I am conceited..ha ha) But then again, I gave up all of that for marriage and a family. And who knows, maybe they feel just as envious as me.

Megan is only 10 months and I am still trying to pull myself out of my current slump. Some days I wonder if my family wouldn't be better off without me (I mean like going to live in a cave or something...ha ha)

I KNOW just how you feel with the not knowing how my husband can still love and be attracted to me, 40 lbs later...and I should add that I'm 5'2, so that's a LOT for me.

This is the reason I blog, and vent, and let others read my ugly truths. Because I know I'm not alone and sometimes it helps to just have another person out there who gets it.

I'm sorry you've been having a tough time, I don't know what going on, but I am praying and sending lots of warm thoughts your way.