Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tuesday afternoon and the weather is fine!

Ah, the joys of sunshine and open windows to let all the germs fly free (and hopefully out the windows and away from our condo!). I'm ignoring the fact that the sunshine shows all the dust on my bookshelves. Ignoring, ignoring.

Ethan's sick again. I'm rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of our health this winter. It's just insane. I once heard someone compare having small kids to licking a petri dish full of germs. I think I laughed at the time. I'm not laughing anymore. Daniel's fighting a sore throat, and I'm fine, except I appear to have some sort of Eustachian tube problem, so everything is slightly muffled. But it's been like that for over a week now, so really, I'm getting used to it.

ANYWAY. Enough about germs. I've been spending the morning checking my work email and waiting for a list of edits and questions from my PM. It doesn't look like she's going to get them to me before nap time is over. Which is fine, she knows today is my day off and that I'll do them first thing tomorrow. I just am such a get-it-done-now type person, that it's hard to have stuff lurking in my email box or on my to-do list. Probably the major source of stress in my life these days. But, this stress-from-stuff-for-work will be gone soon, as I only have 13 work days left before I go on maternity leave for the rest of the year! I think it's really going to be a good thing for my whole family, I think I will be a much better wife and mom if my energy and time is less divided. We are so blessed that that is an option for us right now, I know many people are not so lucky.

Speaking of homes, we did get an offer on the rental property. Unfortunately, it was $84,000 below asking price. No, I did not mistype that number. We countered back at a number somewhere in the middle and now are just praying for a good result. We'd like to get this sold and get the show on the road, but we're not desperate, so we can wait until the right situation comes along. I'm not sure we have time left to close on the rental property and find/close on the new place in the less than 9 weeks we have left before New Baby comes along anyway. Of course, if this does work out, I will be totally thrilled, and it will be an answer to our prayers, for sure.

Just 5 more hours until I head out on my girls' night out! Hurray I need to spend that 5 hours trying to find something that still fits my hippo-like girth and is still vaguely cute. Easier said than done.

Here's a picture from Saturday- 30 weeks pregnant and 32 years old!!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Birthday weekend recap

It was a busy weekend, but a good one! Saturday was nice, had brunch at our favorite restaurant and then went to the co-op sale, where I stayed far away from the racks of baby girl clothes. This was because the week before, I finally sorted through all the stuff I've been buying here and there for New Baby, and realized she owns more clothes than anyone else in the family. So, enough was enough and no more clothes shall be purchased for a while.

In the late afternoon we FINALLY went out in search of cupcakes. In the end, despite my extensive survey on Friday and being told by everyone (except Daniel) that it was acceptable, and perhaps my moral obligation, to eat at least two cupcakes on my birthday... I only had one. Plans had been made to eat one on site and get more to take home, but by the time we made it through the rain to the cupcake place, it was dinner time, and time to get Ethan home. But I got a yummy chocolate Guinness stout flavored cupcake with Bailey's flavored icing and ate it later. It was yummy!!!

Sunday we had plans to do more shopping, but were too utterly worn out from Saturday, and still recovering from the plague, so we didn't do much after church.

But tomorrow!!! I have plans!!!!!!! Okay, this is sad/pathetic/beyond comprehension. I realized (while sitting in church and I know I should have been listening to the sermon, but I got distracted...) that I have been out exactly THREE times (Maggie, I remembered one that I forgot yesterday) since Ethan's birth on a girls'-night-out-type event. I've been out other times for work stuff, and go out on rare occasions by myself, but almost never with girlfriends. There are several reasons for this. The main reason, of course, is Daniel's ridiculous commute and the fact that he almost never gets home before 7 and I just don't really want to go out then, and, truthfully, I like spending time with my husband. Lately, I'm such a grouch that I know he wishes I left more often though :) The other reason is that my closest friends are other moms from my church. And we all live on different ends of Seattle, and all have small kids, so synchronizing schedules and trying to find a day when everyone is healthy... almost impossible. We do stuff with our kids during the days, but never just us moms.

Anyway, tomorrow I am going out with Maggie and Lizzie to see Dooce!! do a reading up at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park. Which is also the location of my favorite bakery in Seattle, and cake eating has been planned. Which I am totally justified in doing, since I only got the one cupcake on Saturday. Cake and hanging out with fun people! I can hardly wait! (Any other Seattle moms going to be there? Come say hi if you see us!)

Friday, March 27, 2009

Mental aging

I'm out in the real world again! Or rather, back at my office. But that's much more like the real world than the inside of my condo. I've pretty much spent the past week at home, working when I felt up to it, complaining about how miserable I felt the rest of the time, and listening to the pledge drive on the local NPR radio station. I am in awe of the people on that station and their ability to come up with new and interesting ways to motivate people to give. Sounds like they're raising pretty much what they need so far, so that's good!

Had an OB appointment this morning. Which my sweetie kindly drove me to and then stayed around and drove me to the office afterwards, so I didn't have to waddle downhill from the doctor to my office. He was less than impressed with the appointment- I think he'd given up on going with me by this point with Ethan, so he was unaware of the dullness of the early 3rd trimester appointments. Two weeks ago I had a blood draw and a rhogam shot though, so I was happy for a generic weight/heartbeat check.

So... tomorrow's my birthday! I have this funny habit of mentally aging myself a year once the calendar turns to January. Not sure why. So I've been thinking of myself as 32 for the past few months, and now I have to stop and calculate my actual age to figure out if I'm just turning 32 tomorrow or if I'm older than that. I'm turning 32 tomorrow, in case you care. I still find the whole "I'm in my 30s thing weird". Just like I still find the idea that I'm someone's (and soon to be two someones'!) mother totally unbelievable. I keep waiting to wake up and find out that I'm still just 15 and this was all a dream. That would be easier to grasp, I think.

Not a huge birthday planned for tomorrow. Brunch at our favorite restaurant in Belltown, then hitting another co-op sale to try to find some toys for Ethan that are actually interesting to him. And grocery shopping! I think there's a planned trip to Cupcake Royale to have coffee and pick up some cupcakes too. Daniel made a stupid statement about that planned outing, something like "we'll stop there and have coffee, but we dont need to eat a cupcake then because we'll want to have one at night." Like having a cupcake in the late morning/early afternoon and having one in the evening are in anyway mutually exclusive. Especially for someone who is celebrating her birthday AND is 30 weeks pregnant. Being married to a skinny person never ceases to confuse me. :)

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Just when you think I can't get any more pathetic

Rumor has it that we're going to have SUNSHINE!!! here in Seattle today. So I tentatively made plans with Lizzie to take our kids out for a walk around Green Lake. Because I've barely left the condo since last Friday. I was sure that I would wake up this morning feeling healthy(ier) and energized.

Instead I woke up with what looks like pink eye. Seriously, this morning I actually wondered for a while if I qualify for euthanasia under our state's new law. My patheticness count is this: 7 months pregnant, runny nose, cough, two (yes TWO!) congested ears that I can barely hear out of, one earache, and one suspiciously pink eye. I did go to the doctor yesterday and everything is just a virus, with the exception of the earache, which is apparently on the border between looking like inflammation from a cold and a full-blown infection. So I have drops for the ear pain and other than that am doing a limited amount of OTC stuff.

On that note, yesterday I was at the grocery store and bought 2 boxes of kleenex, a bottle of tylenol, and some cough syrup. And the clerk asked how my day was going. I would have thought that was fairly evident just by my purchases. :)

Ethan and I are not leaving home today. I think I might even scrap the idea of getting dressed. I see a lot of Veggie Tales and Little Einsteins in his near future.

I really wish my unborn child would let me have back just a little bit of my immune system. This is getting ridiculous.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Okay, I give in.

It's 5 AM. I've been up coughing and sniffing since 4. Now I'm just waiting for the doctor's office to open so that I can call and beg for an appointment. I cannot take this sickness/lack of sleep anymore. I'm just amazed Daniel hasn't dragged me to the doctor himself already, since my snoring and sniffing and coughing has prevented him from sleeping for days.

I value doctors and respect their opinions, but I still rarely go when I'm not pregnant. I didn't grow up going to doctors, so it's not a habit of mine. And I view it as a sign of weakness too, I think. I hate to admit that there are things I can't fix on my own. Oh, and there's the whole fact that I pretty much go to the doctor every single week when I am pregnant, which has been my state of being for a large part of the last three years, so I'm a little tired of doctor's office waiting rooms.

But I refuse to be this sick on my birthday. REFUSE!!! Hear that, sickness? I will not do this much longer!

Daniel asked me last night if I even have an immune system anymore. I don't generally get sick, but this is my second horrible cold of the winter, and then there was that stomach flu in between. I told him that I think my immune system has transferred to his daughter, and she's apparently not sharing. Speaking of whom- poor baby! I cannot imagine what she must be thinking in there with all the coughing! I'm surprised that I can't feel her clawing for a foothold or something. :)

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Parent-teacher conference

So this morning I was tidying the shelf in Ethan's closet, and came across a pile of his daycare art projects. Which, fortunately, made me think of daycare and reminded me that I had a parent-teacher conference this afternoon.

I somehow managed to get dressed and put on enough makeup to not look completely corpse-like and headed out, with Ethan in tow. Parent-teacher conferences for toddlers make me laugh, a bit. At least there was a lot more to say this year than last year, when his skill set consisted of pooping and spitting up. The teachers had a lot of interesting information for me. Like how well Ethan plays with others and shares his toys. And how he obeys so well and follows multi-step instructions. If he hadn't been sitting there, I would have thought they were possibly talking about the wrong child. Not the playing well with others thing, he's always been very social. But obeying is a teensy bit harder to believe. At home he obeys about 50% of the time. Which is pretty good, I guess.

We're definitely in the midst of a phase where we have to focus a lot on discipline. Ethan knows what he wants and has no problems with expressing it. LOUDLY. Like his love for crackers. He asks for them at every meal and snack. Between meals and snacks he hangs out at the cupboard saying "kacker" over and over and throwing a major fit when we dont give them to him. He gets crackers once or twice a day, but I'm not quite willing to allow peanut butter crackers to make up the entirety of his diet, so this is a frequently fought battle.

He's a good kid, I know that. And he's been a fairly easy kid for most of his life. Him showing his independence and fighting us to get his way should not (and isn't really) a surprise. He comes from a long line of very stubborn people, on both sides of his family. Daniel and I just need to keep talking and agree on what we're going to do, and choose our battles wisely, and stay strong when we need to be. Oh, and pray for supernatural strength to outlast the will and energy of our child. He's got some impressive staying power with these temper tantrums!

On an amusing note, his teachers were raving at his ability to walk around and throw a ball with one hand. I told them that he practices that skill daily on our cats. Good to know our furbabies are earning their keep! :)

Sniff. Cough.

Daniel refuses to believe me when I say that I'm dying. I'm fairly certain that I am. I know I should probably call the doctor and go make sure that this nasty cold/earache/cough isn't turning into anything worse, but I do NOT have the energy to pack Ethan and I up and catch a bus to the doctor's office. So I think I'm going to stick it out one more day.

But I'd really like to feel better soon. This has been the worst winter EVER.

Ethan's well again at least. Thank goodness!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Belly Bandit

Okay, so on my WW board the girls were talking the other day about Belly Bandits. Have you guys heard about these? Apparently it's a handy-dandy wrap that you wear post-birth to help your abdominal area recover and get back to its pre-baby shape.

I've become utterly obsessed with these, since I'm getting ready to have my second c-section in less than two years. And, lets be honest, my abdominal area was not the greatest before, so I'm terrified of how it's going to look after this baby's arrival. TERRIFIED. This might be the answer to my fears!

One of the blogs I read is hosting a giveaway here. If you're pregnant, go check it out!

What do you mean, relax?

Okay, Monday morning has arrived. Since I caught this cold, I've started being very grateful for morning. There is little in life that I dislike more than lying in bed, trying to breathe out of at least part of my nose, and attempting to not be overwhelmed by coughing. I told Daniel last night that if I could just amputate the left side my head, I'd be fine. Can't breathe out of that side of my nose and my ear is totally plugged up as well.

Ethan, on the other hand, is fine. Eye is back to normal, cold seems to be going away. So we're planning to send him to daycare today after all. Which brings up this new and improved dilemma for me. 1) I finished my report yesterday and therefore don't really have anything to do workwise today, until my PM goes through the report and gets back to me. Unlikely to be today or even tomorrow. 2) Ethan is fine, and there's no reason for him to stay home. 3) I am not really fine, since I have this lovely cold. 4) In another month there will be no daycare and no option of sending Ethan away and once I have New Baby as well, there will probably be no resting.

So this seems obvious, right? Ethan goes to daycare, I stay home and have a sick day. So why is this so hard to accept? It just seems so selfish to be doing something like staying home and resting while Daniel works and Ethan goes to daycare. And what am I supposed to do with myself all day? I do not relax! EVER. I have two speeds- go 1000 miles an hour or fall over into a unconscious state.

I think I might be able to rationalize this to myself by saying its and early birthday present to me. Since my birthday is on SATURDAY!!!! (in case you forgot).

I think it's time for my daily half-caf coffee. I shall mull this all over and report back later.

*** Update***

I sat and drank my coffee, then Ethan got up and got ready for school. Then he left with Daniel and I paid the bills, mopped the floors and vacuumed. Then I was ready to relax, which, of course, triggered a landslide of emails from work with revisions/additions to the report, all of which need to be done immediately, if not sooner. Oh well, I don't think I could have handled a day of resting anyway :)

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Not the greatest mother this weekend

There is pretty much nothing in life that brings out my less-than-stellar mom side than dealing with a cranky toddler. As you all know, I am not by nature a patient person. To say the least. And, unfortunately, neither is Ethan. And he also seems to have inherited my utter inability to deal with being sick. Feeling bad sends he and I both into a downward spiral of whinyness and crankiness and just general obnoxiousness. Daniel practically ran out the door to church this morning. I can't blame him.

Ethan's in bed now, THANK GOD. Hopefully he'll stay there for a while. I'm trying to finish up this report that I've been working on, so that I can stay home from work tomorrow with him. The doctor said he wouldn't be contagious anymore by tomorrow, but his eye is still puffy and he still has a cold, so we're not thrilled with the idea of sending him off to daycare. Daniel volunteered to take a sick day and stay home, but I know he's swamped at work. And a large part of me feels like it's my job to juggle things and figure out a way to stay home- my job is way less important to our finances, and I'm only a month from going on indefinite leave, and I'm the one who is choosing to work, so I should also be the one who should stay home with the sick kid. Daniel is utterly willing though, because he's just good like that. I have to say, I am looking forward to the day coming soon when taking care of a sick kid doesn't involve calendars and negotiations and emails and phone calls...

Okay. Focus, Carrie, focus. Much to do and naptime is likely to be brief.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Saturday

So, I made it through work yesterday, came home, had a nice relaxing hour sitting with my feet up, then went to get Ethan at daycare. Where I was met with the sight of a poor little toddler with swollen, red eyes. As we suspected, the doctor's appointment today confirmed that he has conjunctivitis. One of the eyes seems to be better today, so hopefully it's a mild case and will pass quickly. Poor little thing, he looks so pitiful. His actual eye isn't red at all, so it's not the terrible pink eye that it can be in some cases, just a badly swollen lower eyelid.

Which means we're pretty much in for the weekend. We did hit a good co-op sale this morning after the doctor, and I got a bunch of clothes and swaddle blankets and sleep sacks and stuff like that for New Baby. And we had a nice walk (okay, waddle on my part) this afternoon to the grocery store. But other than that, we've spent the day just hanging out. So in some ways, I'm really grateful for the forced incarceration. We had lots of plans for the weekend, but we're also really tired, and it's nice to have an excuse to stop and rest sometimes. I've got a cold as well, so it's good timing on that front too. Hopefully we'll all be recovered by Monday- the doctor said Ethan wouldn't be contagious anymore then, so that's good.

Of course, being trapped in the condo means I have NOTHING of interest to blog about, so I'll stop torturing you all :) Hope you have a good weekend!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Immeasurably more

I'm going to be writing about my faith and my struggles with that today- so if you're visiting here to read my usual whining about pregnancy/toddlers/work, check back tomorrow. Or Monday, tomorrow I'm shopping! so will be in a good mood :)

Anyway, back to what I wanted to write about this morning.

Let's just be honest here for a minute, we've been struggling lately. I feel guilty about admitting that, because we have two good jobs, and Ethan is healthy and New Baby is doing relatively well, and we are blessed in so many ways. But we are struggling. Not with money or jobs, but with energy and time and (in my case only) remembering to be nice and not take everything out on the closest person (who is always Daniel).

Daniel has a job that he likes a lot. He works for a boss that he deeply respects, he believes in the future of the company, and he enjoys his job. Other than the fact that he is massively overworked right now, because the company is still fairly new and doesn't have the money to hire the staff that they really need to do all the work that needs to be done to make the money that they need to hire more staff. Follow that? And, since Daniel manages employees from a company in Asia, as well as working with people at his physical office, his job is going on 24 hours a day.

Last night we had our usual "discussion" about work and family. Seriously, one of these days I'm just going to tape it, then we can press play on the tape, have the "discussion" and go about our lives. It's the same thing every time. Not because anyone is doing anything wrong (other than me for being so irrational), but because we're really kind of stuck. He can't get home any earlier, I get overwhelmed in the evening and am totally freaking out at the thought of how I'm going to handle it once New Baby shows up... and we're both frustrated because there are no good answers.

Then last night I finally said something that reminded me of one of my favorite Bible verses.

Ephesians 3:20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Please don't get me wrong, I do not believe that God fixes everything as quickly as He brought the bus for me on my bad day on Monday. There are a lot of times in my life when the answer to my prayers has been "no" or "wait". Now that I'm a parent, I definitely understand that a lot more. I don't like to see Ethan upset when I say "no", but I also don't think he should be eating chocolate candy bars or watching hours and hours of TV. Most of the time when I say no, it's for his own good. And I know God has my best interest in mind as well.

I think the thing that struck me in this situation was how far off track I have gotten. I've been sitting around and whining and feeling sorry for myself and heaping huge amounts of stress on Daniel's head, rather than praying and trusting that there IS a reason that we are stuck in our current living situation, with all its challenges.

So I'm telling you all here, in public, in writing, that I am going to have faith in this. That I'm going to believe in the One who can do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine. The One who loves and my husband and children more than I can fathom. I wish He'd fix it right now, but I know He might not, and that's okay. He has a reason and a plan, and I'm going to work on remembering that more and whining less. About this particular situation, at least. I'd have nothing to blog about if I wasn't whining :)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I can't believe I'm going to complain about Target

But I am.  Don't get me wrong, Target is still my happy place. I love the clean, wide aisles and well-stocked shelves.  Unless I'm shopping at the Target near my husband's work, which is like the pit of Target stores.  Everyone around here knows that though, and it's my own fault for still going there sometimes.  But I digress.  

Today is Bible Study Thursday, so we loaded up the car this morning and headed to Bellevue to drop Daniel off to work, then Ethan and I backtracked to Seattle and up north to our church. As planned, I was running 15 minutes early, which left me just enough time to dash into Target and get a few household items on my list. And mini Cadbury creme eggs. For New Baby, of course. :)

However, I forgot that I have started to develop a phobia/hatred of shopping at Target in the morning when there is virtually no one else in the store.  Why, you ask? Because in the morning, all the employees at Target are out in the aisles, checking things, restocking, wandering around near the checkouts and trying to drag you down their aisle, etc.  And EVERY ONE of them asks you as you walk past "can I help you find something?" Which is fine and nice and helpful if 1) the person looks confused and 2) they have not just been asked the same thing by 5 other red-shirted people in the time it took to travel 3.5 aisles. 

And it's not like I was even wandering around looking confused this morning. I was booking it from one end of the store to the next. Whipping my stroller around curves, balancing things on top, grabbing stuff off the shelf and walking quickly to the next thing on my list. There is no WAY I looked confused.

I'm glad Target is all into customer service, but when I'm there, I just want to shop, not talk to every single person that works at the store and answer the same question over and over. I am still proud that I didn't yell at the last person who asked me if he/she could help me find something. I think I was trying to focus on the Easter candy in my basket, which helped soothe me.

Bible study was fabulous, as usual. I'm so blessed by this study and the encouragement to my faith that it has provided. It's a study about the fruits of the spirit this session- and definitely something I've needed to hear. Today's topic was joy- I needed to be reminded that I don't have to let events and situations steal my joy- and I need to stop letting that happen.  And I was especially glad to be reminded that I have the joy of salvation, and that, even if nothing else in life brings joy, that alone is more than I could ask for or ever imagine.  

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Stuff

1. I turned to Daniel the other evening and said "what on earth possessed you to agree when I said, 'hey, let's have another baby!'" He couldn't answer that question.

2. Did I mention that I only have 19 work days left? Still seems like a lot. Work's busy this week, which helps the days go fast, but I'm worried about a looming deadline. And I'm starting to have trouble fitting at my desk. Whenever I lean forward, New Baby takes offense at her space being compromised and kicks me. Or hiccups, which is also distracting. I worked until I was 38.5 weeks pregnant last time. NO idea how I managed that.

3. I think we're slowly getting ready for this baby. My church friends talked me into having a small baby shower for New Baby. I was unconvinced until the third person asked me about it, since I just had a baby 19 months ago and still have tons of baby stuff. But we're having a co-ed, kids invited, small shower that's really just an excuse to get together and hang out. They're all chipping in (if they want to) to buy us a portable bassinet/pack n play thing that's smaller than the one we have. Which will be great, since New Baby will be in our room indefinitely and we don't have a lot of space.

4. It's 9:16 AM and I've already eaten all the snacks that I brought to work to get me through the whole day. I pack my lunch at night, and I'm not usually hungry then, so I always, always underestimate the extent of my daytime hunger.

5. I won more giveaways this week. Small ones, but still good prizes. I am so utterly in love with blog giveaways now. Entering them does take a good bit of time in the evening, which interferes with our attempts to not spend our evenings staring at the laptop, but I'm trying to cut down on blogs that I read in general and other stuff that I mindlessly do online. Maybe I'll learn balance one of these days.

6. Have I mentioned how ridiculously cute Ethan is these days? He's at that age where Daniel and I just sit around and watch him and laugh at all the funny little things he does. LOVING IT!

7. This is a little silly, but I was so blessed by it that I'm going to mention it anyway. On Monday I had kind of a rotten day at work. Then after work, I walked all the way to my bus stop before realizing that I had forgotten my cell phone in the office. Which is not good, since it's still the only number most people have to reach me. So I waddled back to the office and then back to the bus stop in the wind and drizzle. As I got close to the stop the second time, I was really getting uncomfortable- New Baby is so low that when I walk for any extended period of time, she starts making me hurt quite a bit. So, there I was, walking to the stop, running late to get Ethan, and I just said a little prayer "God, if you could please just let my bus come soon so that I can get home to my son, I'd really appreciate it." 15 seconds after I arrived at the stop, my bus pulled up. Not ahead of me, so I didn't have to run, just right when I got there. And I was able to get to Ethan only 10 minutes late and we made it home before the rain started to fall.
I sometimes forget to pray about the little things like that. He really is a good God, isn't He!

Crap. Just looked at my report and it is still refusing to write itself. How utterly annoying :) Back to work.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Update from today's appointment

Ultrasound #7 was this morning- I'm getting to the point (finally) where I actually know what I'm looking at on the screen, even before the technician tells me.  We had 6 or 7 ultrasounds with Ethan, and this was, of course, #7 with New Baby, so I've seen it all a time or two by now! We woke Ethan up early and dragged him to the clinic, much to his chagrin. He was less than impressed to see the grey blob that is his sister, and spent most of his time trying to get me to pick him up or throwing his books/flashcards on the ground for Daniel to retrieve.  

Baby is measuring small still, just like last time. She's down to the 10-15%ile, which is statistically the same at what they told us last time (16th %ile).  Everything else looked fine though, so they're not worried.  When I emailed my friends and family, they all kept telling me not to worry and that they would be praying for New Baby to pick up some weight. I assured them that I'm actually not worried, since this is exactly the same situation we were in with Ethan. And, although it would be nice if she was above 6 pounds, I really wanted to ask them to pray carefully regarding her weight- I have to carry this kid around for 2.5 more months, and she's already seeming pretty darned heavy to me!  The doctor told me to expect her to be similar in size to what Ethan was at birth (5 lbs, 15 oz).  So I need to come up with some preemie clothes and keep getting newborn sized diapers! 

Last night Daniel came home from work with a baby present from his coworker, who had to move away last week, so wont be around later to give us the gift. The box had two of the most adorable little frilly dresses. I am SO excited about frilly dresses! I'm a very girly girl, and love wearing skirts and heels and pearl necklaces, so am going to be one of those moms who puts their daughters in the pinkest, frilliest things possible.  I know that I'm just asking for her to grow up and be a tomboy, but I'm going to dress her like that while I have a choice in the matter! :)  I love Ethan and he's such a fun kid, but I have to admit that I am very excited about having a daughter. It feels very different, in some way.  Like she'll be a little less alien to me or something. Who knows, I cant really explain it.

Anyway, it's naptime here, and I'm supposed to be catching up on the ridiculous amount of work that I have to do before next Monday. So back to that. Seriously, I love my job, but April 29th cannot come soon enough. 

Monday, March 16, 2009

Ethan

I haven't written that much about Ethan lately- which is a shame, because he is turning into quite the interesting little person. He's 19 months old now, and spends most of his time chasing our cats around the condo while shrieking with joy at the top of his lungs. His alternate activities are 1) making me read the alphabet book over, and over, and over, or 2) trying to get me to give him his paci and his stuffed animals out of his crib. He has learned to say no, but doesn't say the word as much as shake his head and wave his arms wildly in front of his face. It's pretty funny.

I have to admit, I am definitely far more of a toddler person than a baby person. It's fun to be hanging out with a little person who can actually interact and respond. Ethan's always been cute, and I've always thought all the little things he did were amazing, but now I get a daily glimpse of him as an actual person. Someone with opinions (lots) and feelings and likes/dislikes (again, lots!). He drives me crazy some days, but I miss him so much when I'm away.

There's definitely a lot more that's humbling/scary about parenting a toddler than an infant. I mean, I know that the things I do affect him, and that he is influenced by what he hears and sees, but it's hard to understand that until your own behaviors and personalities start getting mirrored back to you by someone who is 2.5 feet tall. Unfortunately, he appears to have inherited my utter lack of patience and "if I cant figure it out immediately I just am not going to do it at all" attitude. Fortunately, he generally has his Daddy's good nature and social skills, so hopefully that'll balance things out.

It's also been an interesting glimpse into my relationship with God, and my attitudes of "I want it now, and you're so mean for not giving me exactly what I want!" I think I've prayed for forgiveness for those past actions more in the last few months than ever before. Being on the other end of wanting something that isn't best is very educational.










It's still mind-boggling that I'm going to have two of them in the near future. We were at Babies R Us this weekend, looking at portable cribs. And Ethan was loving the place- constantly darting off to look at something new on every aisle. I think it wore Daniel out keeping up with him. Which again brought up the "how am I ever going to leave the house with a newborn and a toddler who hasn't quite caught on to the idea of staying close to Mommy and not running off". I know I'll figure it out eventually, but I definitely have no idea right now!

We have another ultrasound tomorrow- #7 for this baby. She's definitely well photographed! Hopefully her growth will be doing okay and she wont have dropped off anymore. I've certainly been feeding her enough lately- hopefully that will help!





Friday, March 13, 2009

4 hours until the weekend!!!

I don't think I have EVER been so ready for a weekend in my life. At least not in recent memory. We've been traveling for the last two weekends, with family visits in between, so I'm really ready for a boring weekend of running errands and watching way too much TV. Now I just have to find the motivation for 4 more hours of work, and I'm free.

I am so conflicted about work these days. In some ways, I'm so mentally done already, and ready to just be a mom for a while and not have the constant feeling of "oh crap, I need to log in and check my work email to see if they have more questions for me on ..." or "should I work an hour during Ethan's nap time or clean the kitchen and do laundry." I'm not good at splitting my attention. But, on the other hand, I was getting something out of my diaper bag yesterday and saw my business card holder, and was overwhelmed with sadness at that part of my life being over/on hold for a few years. So I guess that makes me a normal mom, not sure what I want!

Today was yet another doctor's appointment for me. This one was the appointment where I imitate a human pincushion. First up was the lovely glucose drink consumption and blood test (gag). That went fine. I think I bounced my way down the hall to the appointment. I don't know why, it's not like my diet isn't pretty much 99% sugar these days anyway. Then I saw the doctor for a grand total of 2 minutes. And then the rhogam shot! When I had Ethan, I was prepared for the shot to hurt, but it wasn't too bad at 28 weeks or after he was born. Today, the nurse came in with the shot, opened the packet and said (I kid you not!) "wow- look at the size of the needle! They made it even bigger than last year's needle." Then she gave me the shot and it FREAKING HURT!!! It's one of those that goes into the fat, so it burns. It was over fairly quickly and I'm fine now, but still. And I wasn't sure whether to be amused/horrified at her pre-shot comment. Not what I would say to someone before sticking them with the needle though... Just hoping now that New Baby has Rh - blood like me, so I wont have to get another shot after her birth.

Then the rest of my morning consisted of scheduling all the rest of my OB appointments and NSTs for the rest of the pregnancy. And several confusing phone calls back to the OB's office to see where the orders were for my ultrasound next week (during which they thought I was already at the ultrasound office and was expecting an ultrasound today, which wasn't right...).
I have a grand total of ONE week between now and June during which I have no appointments. And I will likely end up with an ultrasound that week, since those will be done regularly, but I only have the next one scheduled. At least I'll know my way around the area well before it's time to go deliver!

Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

I'm blogging to try to stay awake

Okay, it's 7:18 AM on Wednesday morning. I've already been up multiple times in the night with a randomly screaming toddler, gotten up and dressed, spilled hot coffee grounds all over the sink, finally made and drank a cup of half-caf coffee, driven to the airport and back, made and drank another cup of half-caf coffee, caught the bus to work, and turned on my computer to blankly stare at articles about gasoline. I'm afraid that that might be it for productivity for the day from me.

So, the visit went well, over all. Except for the one emotional conversation detailed in my Monday post, things were pretty calm. I suppose that's one of the benefits of being 6 months pregnant- no one wants to say anything that might upset you. Except when you're 6 months pregnant, everything upsets you, so it's kind of a lost cause. My mom cried most of the night last night, I think, as they had to say goodnight to Ethan then, since we were leaving for the airport so early this morning. I hate the last day of their visit and the first day that they're gone. I feel so sad for my parents, leaving the grandbaby behind and traveling all the way across the country to their home. I know the distance feels ridiculously far on those days. I kept trying to remind Mom that they would be back in less than 3 months, but it didn't seem to work.

In pregnancy-related news, I came very close to flashing a bunch of innocent pedestrians on my way to work this morning. As you know, I'm 27.5 weeks along, or ~6 months. And I look vaguely pregnant at this point. Not obviously pregnant still, but to the point where the FedEx guy eyed my stomach oddly on Monday morning when he came by. And to the point where there is no hope of wearing regular clothes, but still at the point where my belly doesn't quite hold up my maternity pants. Today I am wearing a pair of pants that fit pretty well, except they have a tendency to migrate south if not pulled up. A lot. And pulling up pants while wearing a long coat and gloves is challenging. But I made it to work from the bus stop without the pants falling off entirely, thanks to a lot of strange-looking tugs on my pants through the layers of my coat and shirt. At least it was dark and there weren't too many people out this morning. I may need a new plan for the walk back to the bus stop this afternoon.

Okay, 7:26 now. Only 7 hours and 34 minutes before I head home. Where I will be solely responsible for Ethan again, for the first time since February 26. How strange is that!

Monday, March 9, 2009

New Baby has the hiccups

Ethan was a hiccuper (actually, still is), and I was wondering if New Baby would be one too. Today I was sitting at my desk, leaning forward (as much as my tummy allows) and kept thinking that New Baby was kicking me- then I realized it was rhythmic, and she was actually hiccuping. More reminders that there's a little person growing in there!

Monday

We'll see how much I have the energy to type this morning. Pretty much running on empty right now. New Baby has decided to focus all her fetal energy on her favorite hobby, kicking/punching Mommy's cervix. So it hurts every time I move. I've reached the point in pregnancy where it's utterly inconceivable that I have months left still to go. 2 months and 3 weeks, to be exact, but who's counting, right?

The Portland trip went well, just tiring from all the family togetherness in such a small space and all the driving and sleeping in beds that are not my own. I held it together fairly well, except for Friday night. When we had a family dinner (so I knew everyone except one uncle's girlfriend), and for some reason my bad driving was yet again the topic of conversation.

Which meant I had to hear my grandmother comment AGAIN on how I drove too fast on a trip that she and I took almost 8 years ago. I keep pointing out to her that 1) we were in Wyoming, where there are no other cars and the speed limit was 75 and 2) I had just been dumped by my boyfriend and was driving cross-country with all my belongings to move to Seattle, where I knew no one, and was perhaps not having the greatest week and did not really want to linger in South Dakota and Montana and spend extra time enjoying the "sites". Apologies to anyone from the middle of the country, but I am not an outdoor/nature girl, so all those middle states just scare me and I just wanted to get to Portland and drop her off and then get to Seattle as fast as humanly possible. Which I have pointed out approximately 50 times before. And which would probably not have bothered me under normal circumstances, but these are not normal circumstances. There really should be a statute of limitations on family stories. Like after 5 years, it cannot be discussed ever again. Something like that.

Then my dad made his usual joking comment about "not being allowed to be at the birth of the grandchildren." Which really upset me, but I didn't say anything until we got home the next day. He keeps making that joke, and it hurts my feelings. Yes, I asked them to come after the birth both last time and this time, because with Ethan I didn't know when he would be born and didn't want them using up their vacation time before he showed up and with this baby, I'm going to REALLY need help in the weeks after her birth, so have asked them to come then.

Again, things they know, but which he likes to joke about. I finally told them how much that hurts my feelings and how it makes me look bad to the whole family, and I think he'll stop phrasing it that way. Mom did say that she was hurt by a comment I made once about not allowing them to be "there" even if they lived closer. I think that was a misunderstanding- I was meaning that they couldn't be in the room (which they agreed they wouldn't have wanted) and they interpreted it as them not being allowed anywhere around at all.

Seriously, adulthood is freaking complicated! Daniel and I went out to dinner Saturday night after I got back to Seattle, and I whined and cried about trying to keep everyone happy and balance being a daughter/granddaughter/mother. It's awfully tough, especially when dealing with things like wanting to have family around after a baby's birth while protecting our time with our new child and my need to have quiet and space to recover from the c-section and all the normal aftereffects of childbirth. I'm still not sure how we're going to handle things with Daniel's parents, who will be here taking care of Ethan during New Baby's birth, but who I really don't want hanging out in our small condo with us after we get home from the hospital.

Oh, this blog entry is far too long. Sorry about that! Hope you all had a good weekend!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

It's going to be a miracle if I survive to be 32

And my 32nd birthday is all of 24 days away. Okay, everyone stop and write that on your calendar in big letters. "CARRIE'S 32nd BIRTHDAY." It's very important. :)

I've been mentally composing blog entries in my head for the last few days. I find it keeps me sane when life gets overly busy. If that's weird, don't tell me.

Anyway, Mom and Dad escaped from the great frozen East Coast on Monday and made it here fine in the evening. I don't really remember anything else about that day.

Then yesterday we woke up early, managed to get everyone in the condo up and fed and dressed, and headed for my perinatologist appointment.I took the whole family along. I was having another ultrasound that day, and figured my parents would like to come along and pretend like they knew what they were looking at on the screen. We all filed in the room, and the technician started doing the scan, only to realize pretty early on that she couldn't see my cervix properly because this baby will not move up off of the bottom of my uterus, where she has taken up residence. So a few other measurements were taken, and then I was informed that she was going to have to measure my cervix via the other ultrasound route, and that, when I returned from the bathroom, I would need to undress from the waist down.

Not really a situation you want to be in with your parents sitting next to you. We're a very proper and private family, so this was weird beyond belief. Anyway, I came back and got under the sheet and they came back in, and the technician did the rest of the abdominal ultrasound (while I'm lying there trying to keep the sheet in place) before sending my parents and Ethan out of the room while she did the measurement of my cervix. Thank goodness. It was all still weird though.

Baby is looking pretty good and the fluid levels are fine, but she's starting to drop off size-wise. So I'm going to have another ultrasound in another couple of weeks. The other fun thing about yesterday was that Daniel and Ethan and I got to see the OB who did my high-risk care over at the old hospital when I was pregnant with Ethan, and who was present at his c-section. I think the last time she saw me I was vomiting from the effects of the anesthesia, post-c-section. Hopefully yesterday will be a better memory for her. :)

The rest of the day was busy with errands and cooking and doing all the stuff that hadn't gotten done this weekend. So I was tired by the end of the day, but hanging in there. Then my dad called his mom. Now, the plans had been for Dad and Mom to see my grandmother during the day, while I was at work. Then, as Dad talked on the phone, we heard him say "of course, we want to see you, but I'd love to see everyone else as well." So now, in addition to their lunch plans, we have a family dinner tonight (with people Ethan and I see fairly often, since they live here in Seattle).

The dinner will be fine, I'm sure, but we're leaving to head up there as soon as I get home from work, and I know I'm going to have to drag my dad away when Ethan's bedtime is approaching. Oh, and then come home and pack, because tomorrow we're driving to Portland (3+ hours away) for a lunch with my other grandmother and her twin sister and her sister's daughters and my uncle, before I go downtown for the work appointment that I have in the afternoon. And that's just today and tomorrow. We have plans to see people from another part of Dad's family on the weekend, after we return from our trip to Portland.

It's all fine, these are good things to do, and it's nice to catch up with family, but I feel like I'm constantly having to fight for downtime for me and for Ethan, and I'm getting tired of being the spoilsport about everything. Hopefully Ethan will get some rest today in between the lunch with my grandmother and the family dinner tonight. I plan to enjoy the silence and solitude of my office as much as is humanly possible!

Monday, March 2, 2009

T-4 hours

We're in the final countdown until I pick my parents up at the airport.  According to the flight status, they're due to land around 5:45.  But I've discovered that westbound flights have a tendency to suddenly drop 15 minutes or more off their arrival estimate when they change from going north to heading due west. Or something like that. Regardless, Ethan and I will head out around 5ish, or whenever I get the bathrooms cleaned and finish gathering up and moving all of my necessary items/clothes out of our bathroom/bedroom and into Ethan's room. 

To Maggie- don't worry, there will be angst to come (she was sad that there was no entertaining angstiness from my weekend trip).  And you will get to see that I am an equal opportunity whiner. When my own family is around for a prolonged period of time, I get nearly as freaked out as when Daniel's family is around. Or even when Daniel is around, for that matter, when he is not supposed to be hanging around home.  It is nothing personal, everyone in my family and Daniel's family and Daniel are all lovely people, but I just start to lose it quickly when people/cats/fetuses are in my space all the time. Speaking of which- MOVE UP ALREADY YOU DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED FETUS!!! Get off of my bladder! Normal babies are up higher than this by 26 weeks! 

In pregnancy news, I spend all my time in the bathroom these days.  Drink one sip of liquid- go to the bathroom 4 times in the next 15 minutes. Oh, and I've gained 5 pounds since I went to the perinatologist last month, so am not looking forward to the weigh-in tomorrow. Technically I'm supposed to limit my weight gain to only 8 more pounds for the rest of the pregnancy. Which is going to be approximately 12 weeks and 5 more days. Give or take a few, depending on when the c-section gets scheduled, exactly. I think that 8 pounds in that amount of time is not realistic,  given that I have yet to do the majority of my expanding. Oh, and given that I am going to have to eat copious amounts of cake to cope with the next week or so.  :)

In the few minutes it took to type this, 10 minutes got shaved off the arrival time. I need to go finish work so that I can clean my house.

Have a good Monday, everyone!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

And we're back

We made it to Canada and back! And had a good time! Things started out a little iffy. At 4 PM on Friday Ethan had not napped all day, was running a fever of 101 and was TOTALLY FREAKING OUT. I called Daniel to say that we were on our way to get him, and for once it was his turn to suggest that we cancel the trip, due to the horrible screaming in the background. But the car was loaded and the cats were fed, so we headed out anyway. And it was a pretty easy drive up to Canada. Unfortunately, Ethan slept the whole way up, which meant he was pretty much up all night that night.  A cranky, feeling sick kid is not my favorite thing to deal with away from home, so we were pretty frazzled by Saturday morning. 

We managed to drag ourselves away from Ethan around noon and headed off to our getaway. We've left Ethan with Daniel's parents once and with my parents twice, but always at our home. We knew they would be fine with him, but it was still hard to leave a sick kid. I actually got a little teary when we headed to our car. Darned pregnancy hormones. 

Anyway, after a trip to the Vancouver airport to update something on Daniel's Nexus (quick border crossing) card, we were off downtown. It was fun to walk around and see more of the city than I'd seen before. Usually when we're in downtown we're driving to dinner or lunch somewhere and don't usually take time to stop and explore. So that was fun.  Of course, many, many breaks were taken to feed the pregnant woman and find the nearest bathroom. I'm fairly certain I hit all bathrooms in the city of Vancouver on this trip :)

Our hotel was lovely, and they upgraded us when we mentioned in passing at checkin that we were celebrating our anniversary. What fun!  We rested up in our nice suite before dinner, then had a wonderful meal at a local jazz club. The waitress looked at me in confusion when I asked if they had any non-alcoholic drinks or sodas or things like that.  I'm fairly certain we were the only ones in there without a glass of wine or martini in hand.  But the food was great, so it was worth the lack of fancy sodas. 

Ethan had a good time with his grandparents. When we returned this morning, they looked pretty tired, but their condo was relatively intact and Ethan seemed to be pretty apathetic as to our existence.  Typical Ethan.  As long as he's getting attention from someone, he really doesn't care who it is!

So, a good trip, and nice to get away for one last time pre-New Baby.  And I was in a good mood the whole time and apologized pretty much the whole drive up to Canada for my snotty attitude this week, so Daniel forgave me.  Which was good, I like my husband to like me :)

Now we're home and getting ready for my parents to show up in 22 hours! Ethan's going to be very interesting after 12 straight days of getting spoiled by grandparents. Many stories to come, I'm sure!