More randomness (and a bloggy giveaway update)

1.  Okay, so Daniel left this morning at 6:30 for our church men's retreat. I spent most of the evening last night and early morning hours this morning trying to convince him that Ethan was a man and should go too. No luck.  Ethan and I went and spent a few hours this morning at our friend's gorgeous new house, hanging out with all our girlfriends, so that was fun. Then I stopped at my favorite bakery on the way back and got a piece of cake to be eaten tonight, and some Taco Bell. Daniel leaves, my eating habits nosedive. Whatever. BUT, then I got home and discovered that I did win something at the Bloggy Carnival-

$100 worth of baked goods

. Let's not mention this to my OB, okay?  :)

2.  Background on how Daniel shops. He researches. And researches and researches and researches and researches more. Doesn't matter what we're talking about, that's how he works. Generally, this means that when he actually goes to look at something in person, he's ready to buy on the spot.  This does extend to things like large purchases of real estate.  We've been talking about moving to the Eastside for a while now (that's on the other side of Lake Washington from Seattle proper, for you non-Seattleites).  Not because we don't love it here, we do. And the space, while tight, isn't the issue. It's Daniel's hour commute home in the evening, which sucks most of our family time and is going to get harder to deal with when we have two little ones.

So, he chatted with the realtor the other day, then she sent some listings yesterday, and he actually went on lunch to see the one he really liked. Next thing I know, he's discussing financing with the bank (we were already refinancing this place) and stuff like that.  

The last two times I have gone out property shopping with him, we've pretty much bought something on the spot on our second or third time out.  I'm a little nervous. Not that I don't want to move, but it makes me tired to think of all the logistics. Not to mention that it's going to be virtually impossible to sell our current home until we move out, thanks to the toddler, two adults and two cats, and the fact that we use every inch of space here. So that means two mortgages for a while.  Eeek.

3.  $100 worth of baked goods might not be enough to get me through these next few weeks! I'm not sure how fast we'll move with all of this, but we do have a baby coming in 4 months, so we either have to go quickly or hold off until fall.

4. I need to figure out what to do for the rest of the day today.  Bed rest and being sick got me in the habit of not going out much, so now I'm hesitant to drag Ethan and the stroller out for a walk. But I really should, as it's a nice, sunny day here. I need more motivation.  

Random Friday stuff

1) I have gained 3 pounds in the last WEEK. Seriously. That is not good. Totally understandable though, since I have pretty much been eating constantly for the last few days. I'm not sure Daniel would even recognize me at this point without my cheeks bulging with food and a look of concern on my face as I huddle protectively over my snack. I have about 16 weeks left of pregnancy, so still could pack on the same 40 pounds I did last time, if I keep up this pace. Must get control of self. Unfortunately, Daniel is abandoning me this weekend to go a church men's retreat, and I'm going over to a friend's house tomorrow morning, and my path to her new place involves me driving past my absolute favorite bakery in the city. And the chances of me passing up my favorite cake, when I'm headed home to spend the rest of the day/night/next morning alone with Ethan.... smaller than minuscule.

2) No progress on Daniel's uncle. All my news is coming from Daniel who gets it from his mom who gets it from Daniel's cousin, who in theory is taking to the doctors, but I'm not sure. Last I head there had been no improvement and he was still on life support in the ICU, with a poor prognosis, but I have no idea what's going on.

3) I'm spending a ridiculous amount of time today sitting around and hoping for emails from one or more of the hundreds (I do not exaggerate there) of giveaways that I entered this week, telling me that I won something. They are starting to end today, but are dragged out over the next week and month, so there's still hope for a while, but you all know how patient I am. I want presents!

4) Speaking of presents, Valentine's Day, our wedding anniversary and my birthday all fall in the next two months. I have to figure out what to buy Daniel and what I want for my gifts. Hmmm.

5) I'm feeling extremely fat today. But the good news is that my baby belly is getting awfully close to merging with my fat roll, the one that normally lives lower on my body but that has been shoved upwards due to everything migrating around randomly these days. So I might look a little more pregnant soon. But I'm still going to spend the next 4 months as one of those people who everyone looks at and thinks "is she? isn't she?".

6) 4 months? I'm going to have another child in 4 months? AAHHH!!!!

7) I have a bunch of appointments with the perinatologist on Monday to see how things are going. I have an ultrasound first, then they couldn't get me in for my next appointment until after lunch, so I have to hang out near the hospital for over an hour between appointments. But I'm okay with that, since I'm no longer worrying about working a certain number of hours per week, so that's less stress. If I have time to work, fine, if I have too many appointments, then I'll just work less that week. We figure we need to get used to a smaller paycheck anyway.

8) Speaking of paychecks, my husband got a $10/month raise. I'm going to try to not spend it all in one place. I shouldn't make fun though, as I got no raise this year at all.

9) I need to go finish reading this very dull deposition. Enough procrastinating.

What I realized today

I am NEVER going to be able to leave the house again after this new baby is born.  And probably not for the last few months before she's born. Because my nice toddler insists on descending into madness whenever we leave the house together.  He still likes being out, but he also seems to have a sense for how to drive Mommy most insane in public.

Scene 1: We're at Trader Joe's this morning, trying to get some groceries before we head to storytime at the library.  Ethan is happily sitting in the cart, taking off his shoes each time I turn around.  His brand new shoes that cost more than I've ever paid for a pair of shoes for myself! After several attempts at getting him to keep his shoes on, I give up and he goes barefoot in the store.  Not so bad, I know.  Just typical toddler behavior. But how do I keep up with this if I have another one in tow as well?

Scene 2: This is a good one.  We're at the library. I'm trying to check out a bunch of books. So in one hand I have a pile of books, over my arm is the book bag and my diaper bag, I'm trying to somehow get my pants to stop falling down, because my belly band is just not holding my jeans up anymore, and Ethan is standing next to me on the other side. I spend several minutes trying to convince him to just stand up for one minute, but he decides to do his wet noodle imitation and flops over on the floor. Crying of course, because Mommy is so mean to expect him to do something as strenuous as stand for 30 seconds while holding on to her coat.  Again, I know this is normal, but where am I supposed to fit the infant carrier into this picture? 

We use the stroller as much as possible when we're out, but at the grocery store and library, that's not an option.

In a few months he'll be better at walking, but he'll also probably be at the running quickly stage and will need to be held on to!  How do I juggle two of them? I know people do it all the time, right? My life is not going to be over just because I have two kids under the age of two. RIGHT??? RIGHT???

All I can say is that kid had BETTER not wake up early from his nap this afternoon. Mommy needs a little break.  And a drink, but that's still 5 months away.  :)

BIG giveaway (link to site)

One of the people participating in the Bloggy Carnival, Shake the Salt, is giving away all her unclaimed prizes. $833 worth of stuff! Go here to enter!

Bloggy Carnival is taking over my life

It's day three of the Bloggy Carnival. There were over 1200 different giveaways on the list last time I checked, about 3 minutes ago. I check every 3-5 minutes, on average. Yesterday I was out for a few hours in the afternoon with Ethan, then we went to get Daniel at work and out to dinner. So I'd been away from the computer for 5 hours by the time I got home, and had to rush to get back to contest ordering. Daniel just stared at me. I commented that I was a little obsessed, and he said that he had noticed :) I assured him that it will end soon, so I will return to being useful then. Or more useful at least.

But last time I won a flip video camera and a nice leather journal, so I know the time and effort can pay off! And I try to only enter contests where I really like the prize, so winning any of them would be good.

As of last night, they were considering ending life support for Daniel's uncle. So it looks like it's just a matter of time now. Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts. It was interesting, yesterday I was looking in the paper for Mississauga, Ontario, where Uncle and Aunt live, and found an article about Uncle's accident on the front page. Last May, when my great-aunt was killed in a plane accident, that was all over the paper and the news here. I told Daniel last night that we really needed to stop having publicized family tragedies.

I need to go be productive at work now. For a little while. Then back to the giveaways. :)

We're now calling this the month of doom

I'm not going to recap the stuff that's been going on here lately. You probably have read my posts and are up to date.  Anyway, we were all excited this weekend, because I was off bed rest and Ethan was feeling better and Daniel was feeling better and I was only coughing for 12 out of the 24 hours of the day.  We had high hopes for this week.  No doctor's appointments, no drama. That was the goal.

We should have known better.

Daniel got an email yesterday from his brother- Daniel's uncle and aunt were out walking yesterday near their home in suburban Toronto when a speeding car hit his uncle.  Uncle is now in ICU on life support.  It doesn't look good.  My heart hurts for Aunt and for their kids and grandkids. And for Daniel's parents, since they are all very close, traveling together several times a year and making visits fairly frequently.  Daniel's just waiting for the phone call now, then we'll book him a flight to Toronto to go be with the family.  Ethan and I are not going to go along, because it'll be easier for Daniel to go alone and easier for the family to find a space for just him and not have to deal with a toddler on top of things. 

This reminds me of 10 years ago, I had just graduated from college and was living with my parents in their home in Ohio. On one day I got my last two rejection letters from grad school, our cat (who we'd had since I was 8) died of FIP (which is awful), and my dad lost his job. In ONE day.  I told my parents in email this morning that I am starting to think I must be on a 10 year cycle for bad news and challenging times. I guess there's something to be said for getting it all out of the way.

We're just being grateful for the knowledge that God's in control right now. We're too worn out to do anything but wait and trust and pray.  

Giveaway! (NOW CLOSED)

I'm joining in the Bloggy Giveaways Carnival again.

This time I have a brand-new handbag up for offer. It's by the Italian company Carpisa, and was purchased at their store in Italy. It's a nice sized bag, about 9 inches long, 2 inches wide and 6 inches tall. It can be used with the handles or with the shoulder strap. I'm not entirely sure what the outer fabric is- some sort of nylon or polyester? I'm bad with fabrics, but it's very durable! Pictures below! Just leave a comment letting me know why you want to win the bag. Make sure your contact info is in the comment or is easily available on your blog profile.

Winner will be drawn on February 1st.  Shipping to the US only, sorry international people! Good luck!

First Annual SonBreak Women's Conference

Today I attended the first annual SonBreak Women's Conference over at Overlake Christian Church. I heard about this conference on the radio station and really felt that it was something I needed to attend. For a while I thought about not going, since I couldn't manage to get anyone else to go with me, and I am totally scared of talking to strangers, but then I decided to suck it up and go anyway.  Then I was really worried that I was going to still be on bed rest and have to miss the conference, but thankfully that ended (still not officially) just in time.  

Anyway, I got up super early this morning and drove to Redmond for the conference. According to the tickets, the conference was from 8-5, so I got there at 7:30.  And then discovered that the whole thing wasn't starting until 8:45! So that left time for standing in the very long coffee line.  When I got up to the front of the line, a woman came up and asked me if I would mind ordering a bagel for her friend, who was at the end of the line, and was pregnant and feeling ill. I agreed and mentioned that I understood, since I am 5 months pregnant.  At that, everyone in line behind me expressed their shock, since I am STILL not showing.  Seriously, I'm glad I've had so many ultrasounds and heard the baby's heartbeat so many times, or else I wouldn't believe it either!

The conference finally got started off with a wonderful worship service, led by the group Temple. Then we had some great sessions with speakers, including Pam Tebow (mom of 2007 Heisman Trophy/2008 National Championship winner Tim Tebow), Sarah Taylor (from the local radio station), Lisa Whelchel (Blair from Facts of Life), Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's daughter) and Chonda Pierce (a wonderful Christian comedienne who I have been following for a number of years).  All the sessions were great, and very encouraging.  Everything was on the topic of hope during the tough times. I really appreciated the honesty of the women who spoke- they were open about their struggles and their tough times, but reminded us that God does not make mistakes and is not surprised by things that happen to us and that He always has a plan. Hopefully I'll be able to remember that in the next trial!

I even got to meet Chonda and take a picture with her, which was a lot of fun.  I've been reading her books, watching her DVDs and attending her concerts for years, and it's been really interesting to watch her through that time and see how she has dealt with the things that happen in her life.  Again, she's honest through the hard times, and also manages to find a lot of humor in things. When she speaks, you laugh so hard that tears come to your eyes and it's difficult to breathe. That's what I call a good time!

I needed to go to this conference, and I'm so glad that I was able to go.  Things haven't been horrible this past year, but we've faced a lot of medium-sized challenges, and I've been feeling really worn down and empty.  Today went a long way to getting me back on the right path and reminding me what my focus needs to be. 

And tomorrow I get to go to church!! Hurray! It's been too long! 

Here's my picture with Chonda.

Update

Just wanted to do a quick posting before I leave to go pick up Daniel. That's right, LEAVE THE CONDO!!! Hurray! I had an ultrasound Thursday morning. I only set 3 alarms, but we still made it there in plenty of time, thankfully. No repeat of the oversleeping from last time.  

The fluid level looked good on the ultrasound. They didn't give me a number, and I didn't remember to ask, so I'm not sure how much of an improvement there was, but the radiologist said things looked good. So I did not bed rest yesterday, which was good, because Daniel really had to put in a full day at work. I was so exhausted by Ethan's bed time, since it had been a long time since I last dealt with him alone all day. He seems to know that I'm feeling well again and is pushing every single limit that we put on him. And then coming up with some new and creative ideas for misbehavior. It's the deliberateness of the whole thing that just shocks me.  How can someone so cute be so totally rotten! ;) 

This morning I had an OB appointment. My doctor hadn't seen the report yet, but said that as soon as she did, she'd call with the results and I could get back to my normal life. I chose to ignore the second part of the sentence. Enough is enough. I'm going to still try to take things easy in the evening and rest as much as possible, but this strict bed rest thing is done.  I'll still be seeing the perinatologist in another week, and my OB said that I'll need close monitoring for the rest of the pregnancy, but that's pretty typical for me. 

The baby decided to be modest during Thursday's ultrasound and keep her legs clamped firmly together, so no verification of gender. But we'll have another ultrasound at the perinatologist's appointment, so we'll see again then, hopefully. So I'm trying to restrain myself from buying too many girl clothes. And I'm not getting rid of Ethan's old clothes just yet. Soon though!

Anyway, we're off to get Daniel and then to Target and Red Robin for dinner. ***Swooning with happiness***  And tomorrow I'm going to an all-day Christian women's conference. I am going alone, since my friends were all busy, and I am totally nervous about that, but I really feel like this is somewhere I need to be.  The topic is 'recovering from a hard year', which is fairly appropriate. 2008 wasn't awful, but it also had a lot of challenges, and I could use a reminder of perspectives and "stuff" before 2009 gets too much further along, since I suspect it's going to be a challenge as well.

Gotta run. Have a great Friday! 

Thoughts on today

Is anyone NOT blogging about the inauguration today?  Thought I would jump on the bandwagon. 

It was kind of strange just now, looking out my window at the normally busy city street. During the 30 minutes or so leading up to the oath of office and President Obama's speech, there was hardly a car going by, not a person walking down the sidewalk. It was totally and eerily silent, as everyone was somewhere close to a TV or computer, watching what was going on. I've never seen anything like that before. 

Daniel watched as much of the proceedings with us as he could, then he had to go to work. Ethan and I saw the oath and the speech. Ethan was less than appreciative of the historical significance of the situation, and so spent his time tearing up the cats' purr pad. But I can tell him someday that he watched it.

I did not vote for President Obama. But as an American, I am hopeful that he will be able to do what he dreams of doing and that our country can pull out of the tailspin that we're in.  I will pray for him and for God to guide him as he leads our country.  

But I think that the real significance of today's events is beyond just the whole "hoping for a change" thing for me.  Even though I'm a white, middle-class, relatively privileged woman, I'm also the wife of an immigrant and the mother of a mixed-race child. And so it's emotional to see a man with that background sworn in to lead this great country. Ethan's growing up in a different world than I grew up in or than his daddy grew up in, but I hope it's going to be a good one, full of many possibilities for him and his sister, and everyone else, regardless of their skin color or background.

God bless and God help our country. 

PS- I think Blogger needs to fix it so that "Obama" doesn't come up as a spelling error on the spellcheck :)

Thoughts on being the mom of a boy

No whining about bed rest today. The sun was shining and the sky was blue, so I enjoyed the view through the window today and was in a good mood. And snuck off the couch to do laundry and some VERY light bathroom/kitchen cleaning. Seriously though, it hurts to lie around all day and I refuse to believe that a 10 minute foray off of the couch to the kitchen or bathroom (neither of which are more than about 12 feet from the couch, given that our condo is tiny) are going to have that much of an effect on my fluid levels. 

Daniel and I spent the morning and early afternoon tag-teaming naps.  Ours, not Ethan's.  We were both pretty worn out, since Ethan's teething and learning to walk simultaneously, both of which have shot his sleep schedule all to pieces.  So Ethan had another glorious morning of doing whatever the heck he wanted and watching Little Einsteins, while we napped.  Then Daniel did an amazing job of vacuuming. The man is incredible. I vacuum on rare occasions. Very rare. And when I do, it's usually just the high traffic, toddler-accessible, visible, areas of the condo. But Daniel moves furniture. And the stuff that is stored under the furniture. It's so totally clean in here, it's amazing. And we disinfected everything that anyone in this home has touched lately, hopefully we'll get the last of the germs out of here. So it smells a bit like a hospital room, but looks clean, so I'm happy.

Have I mentioned how incredible it is to watch Ethan these days? I have loved him since the day he was born, but I find that I enjoy being around him more and more every day, as he's growing up and developing more of his own personality.  It's so incredible to see him as a little person. One with a frightening number of my personality characteristics, but his own little person just the same.  I think that watching him take his first steps has been especially emotional for me. Not in a bad way, just different from the other things he's done. Because so many things that babies learn to do, they figure out by accident. But walking takes something more, a sense of courage for them to stand up and let go of the solid object that they trust in. He's been taking steps for a few days now when we hold him up and let go, but yesterday and today I've seen him do it all on his own. Watching his little face as he stands and holds on to the table and builds up his courage- seeing all those thoughts go through his little mind- it's just amazing.  

I know I'm going to have a lifetime of watching him take steps. Steps that I can encourage him in, but he's the one who has to find the strength in himself to do what he needs to do.  It's humbling to be blessed with this kind of responsibility, this little person to raise and encourage and cheer for.  And I know that a large part of the type of man he will become is going to be due to my actions and words as he grows up.  Kind of intimidating, especially as a woman with only the vaguest of vague ideas as to what goes on in a man's mind and what they need for life.  Fortunately he has a heavenly Father to follow as well as a pretty amazing dad. If he grows up into even half the man that his daddy is, the world will be a much better place for it.  

This week has KICKED OUR BUTTS!

Well, someone in my house spent the morning in bed resting, but it wasn't me.  After a very very long week of working, taking care of me, dropping off/picking up Ethan at daycare, feeding all three of us, working some more to try to finish up all the things that needed to be done, spending the day with me at the hospital on Thursday... and on and on... Daniel finally gave in to the nasty cold that has been nagging him all week.  He got up this morning, fed Ethan breakfast and went back to bed.  Fortunately Ethan is a morning kid, so is happy to do whatever, including playing alone in his crib for a long time, then watching his new Little Einsteins' DVD.  Now he's playing with the cat toys and enjoying his relative lack of parental supervision. We can both see him, so wont let him do anything dangerous, but I think he could pretty much get away with anything else at this point :)

Yesterday I managed to eat some yogurt, soup and toast, with the help of the Zofran.  Today I'm going it alone and braved another yogurt this morning.   So far so good, so I think I might risk something like potatoes in a little bit.  I would pretty much kill for a cup of coffee right now, but I'm not sure I'm up to that just yet.

The only good thing about Daniel being sick is that he's going to have to miss our marriage/family group tonight and stay home with me. So I'll have company ALL day! I did request that he medicate himself enough to make it up to the library to pick up some books and a DVD I have on hold, but other than that, he's off the hook for Carrie-care. Hopefully he'll get the rest he needs and will be back to full health soon. 

My grandmother laughed at me on the phone this morning, she said I had the life of a senior citizen, with all my activities and conversations revolving around sickness and doctor's appointments.  :)  

Not really what I was thinking about when I was wishing to leave the condo

Early last week, Ethan had a stomach bug. Nothing too bad, just a little out of sorts and a few episodes of projectile vomiting.  Apparently it was going around daycare or something. I was so glad to not catch the bug. SO glad. 

Fast forward a week. I spent last night feeling a little ill, and by midnight was up every hour or so losing fluids in various fashions.  Pretty much all of the fluids that I have been working so hard to get into my body for the past week. Because, remember, my ENTIRE purpose in life right now is to sit around, gestate and hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.  I am not one to call the doctor unless I am on the verge of death, but I realized around 6 AM that this was not a good thing, and called the office.  Sat around all morning feeling glad to be on bed rest and not expected to do anything, since I was not capable of it. Fortunately Daniel was taking the morning off today, so was home.

My doctor's office called back at 11 with the command to go straight to the ER at the hospital for IV fluids.  Which I did.  Do you know how much the ER fears pregnant women who are out of the first trimester? I was asked repeatedly if I should be there or up at L&D. I informed them that I was told to go to the ER.  Finally they managed to convince someone in L&D to let me come up for treatment there. Where I recited my tale of woe and vomit to several nurses and a doctor, and was finally given my IV with fluids and anti-nausea medication. 4 hours later we were free, back home and back on the couch. 

I have to say though, the hospital was great. We were seen by an ER triage nurse within about 2 minutes of walking in, taken promptly to L&D, and treated there quickly as well. Things did slow down at the end, when I was under control and they had actual women in labor to deal with. But that's understandable.

Several nurses did look confused at me being treated up in L&D, given that I still look not at all pregnant. 20 weeks along now, still wearing my normal jeans, still buttoned up. Yeah, not convincing as a pregnant woman.  

Baby's heartbeat sounded good though, and she's been moving around a bit  more, so that's reassuring.

In other news, I finally have my perinatal appointment set up, but it's not for over 2 weeks. I am secretly glad, as the last thing I really want is to go to the doctor again.  And I'm going to talk to my HR person tomorrow about what I'm planning to do (I have no idea what I'm planning to do), since I only have 2 weeks of vacation time right now, and I don't actually have any work to do from home, so am having to use it, unless a project comes back. So Daniel and I are trying to figure out all the pros and cons of me going on leave early/trying to keep working/whether we can pay for daycare out of savings for a few months, etc.

So that's my day. I'm tired now and have big plans to lie on the couch and watch TV tonight. Thank goodness it's Thursday and there are great shows on! Hurray!

I knew I shouldn't have asked

Okay, so last week when I saw the OB, she said "bed rest for a week" then went off to chat with the perinatologist's office. Then she came back and said "oh, we're going to wait two weeks to do the ultrasound" but she didn't mention the bed rest, and I didn't think to ask. Then my parents (intelligently) asked me that night how I was supposed to be on bed rest for one week if nothing was being checked again for two.  I tried to pretend that that wasn't a good question. I failed. 

Anyway, after waiting several days for the perinatologist's office to call me to schedule an appointment with them, as my OB has said they would, I finally called them to see what was going on, and they claimed to have none of my paperwork.  So I called the OB to ask them about that, and decided I should go ahead and clarify the whole bed rest one week/until the ultrasound thing.  And was informed that I am on bed rest until next Friday (ultrasound is Thursday), when I have my next regular OB appointment. Oh, and she said they did send the paperwork, so I need to call the perinatologist again in the morning to follow up. At least I have plenty of spare time for all these phone calls! 

So, I broke down tonight and sent a mass email to my church friends asking them to come over next week with their kids, and entertain Ethan for a few hours at a time. Which was hard for me to do, I don't like to ask for help.  But I know it's what I need to do for Ethan/Daniel's sake, to avoid more late night "discussions" like the one that was held last night between Daniel and I. :)

I cannot believe that I don't get to leave this condo again for another 8 days. I'm going to be so happy to go to my appointment next Thursday morning. Freedom! Believe me, we are SO taking the long way home from the doctor's office that day.

Anyway, so that's the scoop from me. Expect further crazed emails. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

Apologies in advance

I really need to vent today.  Feel free to skip reading today. 

I've planted Ethan in front of a VeggieTales DVD so I could get back to couch-rest, rather than spending my time trying to convince Ethan to color on the paper instead of the leather couches and ottoman.  What did people do before DVDs?  Of course, I'm feeling guilty about letting him watch TV, even though I know I need him to be occupied so I can rest up for the sake of his little sister.  She's -4.5 months old and I'm already feeling conflicted about how to best take care of two kids at once!!! I really thought I had at least until she was actually born before these things became a problem.

It's been a long day. Actually, not really, it just feels that way.  Daniel went off this morning with my disgusting jug of urine in a bag to drop off at the doctor's office. That went well. Then he blindly followed the GPS's directions to his office, even though it was sending him a random direction, and so he sat in traffic for 1.5 hours and got there late again. Which means he's not going to be able to leave at a reasonable time, so I'm home alone with Ethan until late. I'm really struggling with Daniel's job this week- I know we're blessed to have it,  and I know that his deadlines are real, but it's also a week that I really need Daniel at home.  He tried working from home yesterday, and it was terrible. Ethan is in a major Daddy stage, so if Daniel's home, Ethan wants to be playing with him or sitting on his lap or having Daddy read him a book. He does not want Daniel to work or take phone calls, and if Daniel leaves the room, we have a meltdown.  Which, truthfully, is more stressful than just dealing with him alone.

So really, there's NO good answer here. Either he misses work at a crucial time for the company and jeopardizes his job, or I have to take care of the toddler and not do the bedrest that I need to do for the sake of our new baby.

Thankfully, one of my friends came over this morning to hang out with us. She spent several hours with Ethan and her daughter playing, while I got to lie on the couch. Then she served lunch and left at naptime.  It was really funny when she left, sort of like something from a tragic movie, based on the crying of the kids when they were parted.  

(I'm going to totally have the Water Buffalo song in my head ALL evening now.  I used to love that song, but it's been ages since I heard it. Sadly, I still remember all the words!)

Of course Ethan decided not to nap much today.  I'm scared it's because he's getting Daniel's cold. Oh yeah, Daniel's sick! I left that out.  So I've spent the last few hours trying to keep him occupied with things that keep him contained in a small place and lifting him as seldom as possible. He did finally start walking yesterday, just a few steps, but there's hope! He's so cute and completely enthusiastic about walking now. Too much so actually, he walks a few steps, then launches himself at the person/item he's after and then falls down. But he's getting there.

Anyway, at one point Ethan was coloring and I just sat down on the couch and cried.  I still haven't heard from the perinatologist's office about when my appointment there is going to be- and I need to know so that we can figure out car/toddler logistics for that.  I did call and leave a voice mail with the office, so hopefully soon I'll know more about that.

I've felt the prayers of my friends and family, there's no doubt about that. God's really blessed us with a lot of peace about this whole situation. I know my daughter is in His hands, and there's no better place for her to be.  But it still gets really overwhelming at times. 

(Okay, no matter how sad I am, the Song of the Cebu is making me smile. I love this DVD!)

Deep thoughts

I have a lot of spare time, so have been thinking deep thoughts.

1. I think the worst part of bedrest is not the actual inactivity, it's that I'm forced to a) admit weakness and b) rely on others. This might be hard for you all to believe, since I'm so totally a mess here on  my blog, but in real life I do NOT show weakness or let others help me with things.  Except Daniel.  That's one of the reasons why so few people that I know in real life know about my blog- I normally don't like to let people know when I'm having problems. Not sure why, maybe it's years of being the preacher's kid and always having to be/wanting to be as perfect as the image that people had of me.

Some friends have offered to come over and help out and I have taken a couple of them up on the offer. But I'm totally freaked out at the idea of lying around on the couch while someone else chases my child and does stuff for me.  The thought of being waited on in my own home makes me pretty nervous.  It's probably a good thing, because then maybe I'll rest like I should, but still. It just feels wrong.

2.  Did I mention that I am having to re-do the 24-hour urine test because they tested it for the wrong thing? Seriously!  The least fun test in pregnancy and now I've done it twice in a month.  It is, admittedly, easier to do when you're at home 24-7 though. No worries about what to do when you're out. But it's still gross.

3.  I think in some ways the whole annoyance over forced rest is good, because it keeps me from being scared about my baby.  I know she's fine right now, and I'm avoiding the websites that talk about what could happen if this doesn't improve.  I did try to casually tell Daniel that this could be something major if the fluid levels don't increase. I don't want to scare him, but he relies on me for letting him know about these things, so I don't want him to be caught offguard if things do get worse. It's a balancing act.

4. Seriously, my husband is a saint. He's exhausted from working way too many hours, chasing Ethan around, doing all the stuff I usually do (except laundry, I admit, I've still been doing that. And I have to clean the bathroom today, but that's quick and easy. I have my limits for what I can put up with), and he has done it all without a word of complaint. He's just such a genuinely good-natured, giving, serving person. It's pretty amazing to watch such love in action.  I need to take notes. 

5. Lethargy is kind of addictive after a while.  I hope I still am motivated to do stuff when I'm allowed up and about again!

Okay, back to working for me.  I'm also feeling blessed to have a job that I can do from my couch/bed. I'd be even more insane otherwise.  

Two and a half days done, a bunch more to go

Made it through the weekend! Truthfully, I'm starting to lose track of time and date.  Especially time. The days have been passing remarkably quickly, I'm fairly impressed and surprised.  Not sure what I did yesterday other than whine about my back hurting, so we wont dwell on that.  At some point yesterday I realized I had a cross-stitching project buried at the back of my closet and made Daniel dig that out.  I had started it before I got pregnant with Ethan and had to give up because the cats kept attacking the floss.  But they've aged a bit since then and are much more mellow now :)  

So today I worked on the cross-stitch and watched TV in the morning. Then after church, Daniel took me over to our rental condo (the renter moves in this coming week, but it's still vacant) and I laid on the couch and enjoyed cable TV while he and Ethan went swimming. Then we stopped by Taco Bell to get me some food before they went off to a potluck tonight. Seriously, never count on your husband to fill you in with news of your friends and their activities. All he could tell me was there was a lot of food and a lot of people there.  Very helpful, sweetie.

I did other things too, like laundry and loading the dishwasher, but I was as good as possible about lying down between all of them. I figure if I am sitting/lying down for most of the day, I need to be allowed up occasionally for mental sanity breaks. It's all WAY more rest than I was getting before, that's for sure.  Tonight we've been trying to figure out scheduling logistics for the week- several friends offered to come over for a while on my non-work days, so that'll help Daniel a bit to free him up to be able to work at his office at least part of the time those days.  

Other than that, just hoping the perinatologist's doctor calls tomorrow to schedule my appointment with them so I can get that on the calendar.  Maybe I'll get to leave the house again! ;)

I think you might be slightly inundated with blog posts from me

Okay, 7 hours of bedrest done now. MANY MANY to go. I'm trying not to see the logic in the question my parents asked about how they're going to know if the bedrest works in a week if my ultrasound isn't for 2 weeks.  I think a sad phone message will be left for the OB next Thursday night. Oh, and to answer someone's question, yes, the bed rest is because of the fluid issue. And my BP was up today too, which pretty much cemented my fate. 

I pretty much bed rested this afternoon. Sitting up, not lying down, as I had a deposition to summarize. Oh, and I have to ease into these things.  Then I had to go get Ethan from daycare at 4 and try to convince him to hang out on the bed with Mommy. That worked briefly, then he got upset because he wanted me to carry him around.  Which made me feel guilty, because he didn't ask for a sibling and doesn't understand what's going on and why Mommy can't play with him.  At 6:30 I drove to get Daniel at work.  I had the car today because of my appointments and figured sitting in the car was closer to bedrest than chasing around Ethan while I waited for Daniel to do the hour-plus-long bus ride home. 

I'm not sure what we're going to do next week.  He did talk to his boss, who is nice and understands, so hopefully Daniel will be able to work from home on Tuesday and Thursday (Ethan's non-daycare days) at least part of the time.  The problem is that they are swamped at work. Daniel's been in front of the computer until at least 10:30 every night and didn't wrap up work until midnight last night. So not the best timing for him to be needing to cut back on his work hours.

I'm also totally weirded out and feeling bad that Daniel's put in a 70 hour week and now is having to run around and do my chores, like unload the dishwasher and finish up dinner. Thankfully I got a lot done when I was home yesterday, so things are clean and tidy, but still.  I'm not used to other people doing the work. Don't get me wrong, Daniel is always helpful, but the condo is still primarily my responsibility and it's just WEIRD to have him doing the work.

There, typing all that killed another 6 minutes.  :)

The good thing about bed rest is that lying on the bed makes me sleepy, so maybe I'll learn to take naps or something. 

Whimper

My OB put me on bed rest for the next week.  Have I mentioned here that I have the attention span of a gnat? I'm fidgety and a get-up-and-do-stuff person. Not a lie in bed for a week person.  Fortunately I can still work. But that's only going to take care of 27 hours out of the next week.

I'm also being referred to the perinatologist.  The combo of the amniotic fluid plus the BP issue has moved me up the high-risk ladder.  Hopefully they'll want to see me soon and will not make me be a prisoner in my bedroom after that appointment. But I don't know.  

Write to me, please! And blog about interesting things on your blogs so I have stuff to read. I need your help to get through!

Seems like I had something to tell you guys... what was it...

Hmm... oh, I remember... it's a girl!!!! I am STUNNED. Was totally and utterly convinced that I was having another boy. But the technician claimed it was a girl! 

But today is just not to be believed. Seriously. Actually, I'm going to start with last night.

Ethan was fussy all evening and went to bed around 7:30. Daniel was still at work or stuck in traffic or something. I hear a strange sound from Ethan's room, go in there, he's sleeping in a giant pool of vomit.  Okay then. Grab Ethan, put him (screaming) in the bath fully clothed, get him cleaned off, start more laundry (he threw up that morning as well, but we thought he was just gagging on food).  Let Ethan watch a DVD while he regroups.  Daniel finally gets home at 8:30 and we get Ethan back to bed around 10. He wakes up at 4, starving, and has a bottle. 

Then I wake up at 7:20.  Our ultrasound appointment was at 7:15. I freak out, jump out of bed, grab clothes, Daniel grabs Ethan, I get some food for Ethan. We run to the car and are on our way (looking VERY stylish) by 7:26. Make it to the appointment at 7:40, grovel, get in to the ultrasound at 7:45.  The technician is still done by 8:15, so I don't think I screwed up their schedule too much for the day. I hope.

The doctor comes in, tells me that my amniotic fluid levels are low, sends me to my OB.  Now it's my turn to be on the other end of the mishaps.  It's 8:30, my doctor is nowhere around, they think she's in surgery, but tell me to wait 10 minutes for the L&D nurse.  At 9:15 we start to be a little restless. Ethan is alternating between crying and crawling around the waiting room and flirting with people.  At 9:30 I wait in the check-in line and find out that they forgot to tell the nurse that I was waiting, but she'll be right out. At 9:55, the nurse comes out and says my doctor is there, so she doesn't know why they called her, but my doctor is with a patient. I mention that I have an appointment the next morning anyway, and she says "oh, that would have been fine, they shouldn't have made you wait." So now we dash off again, because Daniel is very, very late for work.  Drop Daniel off at 10:30 and pray that his boss doesn't hate him. 

Cry on the way home because I was secretly (and not even really admitting it to myself), hoping for a daughter. And because I'm a little scared about this whole low amniotic fluid thing. I didn't really need another pregnancy complication.  

So, that's our day! Ethan and I are exhausted, and it's only 11:20.  But I think we'll head out shopping later- I have girl clothes to buy!

Another mystery solved

Three days a week I go to work and Ethan goes to daycare. And, since I start work at 6:30, Daniel takes care of getting Ethan up and dressed and to daycare those days. He does a really good job- he always remembers to take the things that I've gotten ready, he gets Ethan there on time and is even friendly and chats with all the teachers (an area where I fail miserably).  But there are a lot of days when I go to get Ethan, and my first reaction on seeing him is "what on earth are you wearing?"  It's inevitably some form of overalls and some shirt that doesn't match at all about 50% of the time.  And the socks are another color entirely.

So this morning I was running very late, so as I was getting ready to leave, Ethan had just woken up and Daniel was getting him dressed.  This is the scene that I saw unfold: Ethan is on the changing table, talking to his stuffed animal.  It's still dark in the room because Ethan has just woken up and Daniel hasn't turned on the light. IN THE DARK Daniel reaches over to the shelf where Ethan's clothes are and RANDOMLY grabs something from the shirt shelf and another something from the pants shelf.  I about have a heart attack.

It never occurred to me that this was how Daniel was dressing Ethan. I thought he just maybe didn't know what matched. Apparently the days that Ethan has actually looked like he was wearing a coordinated outfit have just been a fluke of what was on the top of the pile that day. 

I'm going to have to start thinking about putting out Ethan's clothes the night before, apparently.  These are the things that they need to teach in parenting class. Really. Lessons on what colors/patterns go together.  Oh, and that buttons can go in the back of boys shirts. I wrote about this on the weight watchers board this morning and there was another person whose husband puts her son's shirts on backwards when they have buttons that fasten in the back.  I keep explaining- tag in the back. Don't worry about the buttons if the tag is in the back. I get a blank stare every time. :)

Less than 15 hours until the big ultrasound!

Update

Okay- so all the news is in for today about my family's health problems.  The closer of the two relatives is okay, just needs to be watched because results (for the second year in a row), show that this person likely has the early stages of an autoimmune disease.  But it's still early and there's not much to do right now but wait. The other relative has cancer and will need chemo.  My dad's having a rough time with that, since it's the only person left in his biological family (other than my brother and I) that he's close to.  So right now he could use prayers. 

I'm trying to focus on the positive here. Unfortunately my brain has this terrible tendency to continue to worry once it's been turned on to the "worry" setting. So now I'm sitting around obsessing about the ultrasound on Thursday and wondering why I'm still not showing and why the baby's not really moving and what if that medication that I took in the first trimester (not the BP meds, another one) caused a problem and what if it doesn't show up on the scan and I don't know until birth... and that's WITH a lot of praying and trying to let go of things I can't control.  Can you imagine what I'd be like without prayer?

Did I not warn you guys that I turn into a totally psychotic freak when I'm pregnant?  :)  Yeah, I do.  This is why Daniel works such long hours lately, I'm pretty sure.  

Anyway, I made dinner tonight, so need to go get that on the table.  Daniel's home early (hurray!) so I need to enjoy having him around before he gets sucked back into work later tonight. 

Monday afternoon

Just wanted to write quickly and ask you all for prayers. I'm fine, the baby's fine. But I have one family member who is definitely facing a serious health problem and another with some sort of potential health problem (not much is known yet about that one).  So I'm a little worried.  And right now we have to wait to find out more information on either one.  So I'd really appreciate prayers for peace and patience and faith to remember that God is in control.

I'll post more when I know more. 

Ultrasound scheduled!!!

The "big" ultrasound is scheduled- Thursday morning at 7:15! I'm loving the new hospital/practice that I'm at for the flexibility of scheduling, if nothing else. It's really nice to be able to get in for the ultrasound so early, since it means Daniel can come along with me and not even have to miss any work.  He doesn't attend doctor's appointments, but does tag along for the scans, usually.  So, hopefully we'll have an answer on gender very soon! 

We had a fairly busy, but still fairly relaxing weekend here. Ran errands, cleaned, washed and vacuumed the car- all the things that haven't been getting done around here. And we finally made it to church on Sunday. It was great to be there and to be able to worship in a group and hear a good sermon.  Missing so many weeks of church did nothing for my attention span though, so I was struggling to focus by about halfway through the sermon. But it was good, and I'm glad I managed to hear most of it. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as I've been reading a book by Elizabeth George called "A Woman After God's Own Heart." It's well written and very practical, and has a lot of things in it that are specific to moms.  I've struggled with motherhood this past 17 months, particularly with the mundane tasks and the endless repetitive nature of it all. The book has reminded me that I need to do those things and take care of my family as an act of service to God, an act to which I have been called and that should be a blessing to me and those around me.  It's a hard mental shift for a goal-oriented, very busy, on-the-go woman like me.  And I think it's going to get harder after this second baby, particularly if I do not return to work. By working part-time, I've still clung to that aspect of my identity- I still have something to say other than "mom" when someone asks me what I do.  So this is definitely a book that speaks to me. 

Anyway, I'm working from home today, but have lots to do, so should get back to it.  Hope you all have a great Monday!

Update on the bookmaking

Okay- many, many hours later, I believe I have found a good solution for the problem.  Blogger works with this site www.blog2print.com. There are a few drawbacks compared to what I was used to on Blurb- you can't edit your blog entries on the site, so if you want to change something, you need to change it in your blog itself.  But, the book making was pretty straightforward and had some nice options for picture adding and customizing of the covers and dedication page.

The other nice thing that I liked was that you can order either a paperback, a hardback or a ebook. And the ebook is only $3. Which would be a good option if you want to just have something downloaded on your computer for backup of what you have on the blog site. I went ahead and ordered the ebook and am planning to print it out and try doing a very basic binding myself. If that doesn't work, we'll order one of the ones that the site makes. The estimate (based on holiday sales prices) for 150 pages was about $65 for a softcover.

I also spent a lot of time using the blog2blog software, trying to copy my blogger entries over to livejournal, which does currently work with Blurb. The blog2blog software worked well, but for some reason I still couldn't get Blurb to upload all of the entries that I wanted and the pictures were getting messed up, so I gave up on that idea. Hopefully Blurb will start working with Blogger again soon and that wont matter anyway!

So, if you'd like some sort of hard copy of your blog or backup, I'd recommend checking out the blog2print ebook option for $3.  Can't beat that kind of price!

Second guessing

So I'm worrying that I made the wrong decision about switching OBs. Not too much yet, just a little worried. Here's the current situation-

1) Doctor called nearly three weeks ago and left a voicemail saying she'd like to discuss changing my BP medications.  I know this one isn't great, but I was on it through the whole last pregnancy so am not overly concerned. And, truthfully, based on the research I've done on the drug in my databases at work, I think the effects are pretty much already there, since I've been on it for the first half of the pregnancy. 

2) Snow storm hit, office was closed and holidays came. So I wasn't that surprised to not hear back from them. I did call once to check in, had to leave a message then because the office was closed for the snow.

3) The nurse calls today and says that they're sending the orders for my "big" ultrasound (hurray!) and that the doctor is switching my medication to xxx.  I say that I would like to wait on the switch until I've actually had a chance to discuss the new medication with my doctor, in light of some problems that I've been having lately.  I already have an appointment scheduled for next Friday. The nurse says that it's okay for me to wait on the medication switch (um, yeah, I already said I was going to wait...)

I chatted with both a pharmacist friend and a doctor friend of mine tonight, and they thought I was being reasonable. And I'm really hoping that all the delay is just due to the holidays and snow and everything.  We'll see how the appointment goes next Friday. And Monday I'll get to call and schedule the ultrasound. Hurray!

Work today was lovely. I had things to do, but nothing stressful. I spent about half the day filing papers and shredding documents and just generally organizing, which always gives me a sense of accomplishment. And I enjoyed the nice, quiet, clean office thoroughly. :) I'm such a creature of habit, it's very comforting to get back into the routine for a while.  Of course I truly don't believe that it's Friday and now I have a weekend ahead of me. Happy about that, but not really believing it. Not sure what we're going to do this weekend. Relax and tidy up some more around here, I imagine. 

Okay, time to cook dinner. Have a great Weekend, everyone!

Blurb- not working for Blogger!

Sadly, I went online last night to start working on getting my 2008 blog into a book, and Blurb is not currently supporting Blogger or Blogspot blogs. :( It's due to a change that Blogger made, and they're hoping to get things working again at "some point" in the future. So now I'm searching for another program and not having much luck so far. I even tried exporting my blog over to Live Journal, because Blurb supposedly supports that, but no luck there either. I'll let you know what I figure out.

2009- so far :)

People- my husband is the BOMB at bathtub cleaning. He scrubbed and scrubbed and after several hours of scrubbing and spraying the bathtub with cleaner- it's actually whiter than our tub at home. It looks like it's never been used. I am in awe.  He is totally in charge of bathtub cleaning from now on :) 

We spent most of the evening last night cleaning the rental unit. Good way to end 2008, I suppose. While we cleaned, Ethan rotted his brain by watching TV, then demonstrated his reduced brainpower by falling off the futon and later getting his hand stuck in the VCR. He's fine on both counts. Seriously, the kid moves fast!  

We watched the ball drop on CNN, and tried to convince Ethan that he had seen new year and now needed to go to sleep. He was unconvinced for about another hour and a half. Daniel finally had to lie on the floor next to him until Ethan fell asleep. We were trying out a new portable floor bed thingy for Ethan, as the pack and play will be otherwise occupied later this year. It seemed to work well. He only escaped from it once, but he was asleep at the time, so didn't really get far. 

I managed to stay awake until 11 PM, reading the 4th Anne of Green Gables book.  It's been years since I read through the series and I'd forgotten how fabulous they are. 100 years after they're written- they're still great.  Anyway, at 11, I gave up and set the alarm for 11:58. We woke up then, turned on the TV to have the music soundtrack and watched the fireworks go off the top of the Space Needle out our window. Can't beat the view in that condo.  Three years ago, the last time we were there on NYE, we had a complete view of the Space Needle, but now there's a large building across the street and we can only see the top. But it's still cool.

Had friends over this morning so the kids could go swimming.  It was a fun get-together, despite the fact that I woke up with a headache this morning.  Seriously- I haven't had alcohol in 6 months and still wake up with a headache on New Year's morning? Most years I deserve a headache that day, but come on!  Anyway, the kids had fun swimming and I had fun chatting to my friends.  Then we packed up and headed back here and have been finishing up the de-Christmasing of the condo. Oh, and I sorted through Ethan's clothes and put away the 6-9 and 6-12 month outfits that he's still been wearing. He's almost 17 months old and they are finally getting too small!

So it's been a busy 24 hours, but not a bad start to the new year. Hope you all had a good NYE and are having a great 2009 so far!

Oh, the book thing- yes, I turned my 2007-2008 blog into a book using Blurb. I think it cost about $75, which is kind of expensive, but 1) I have a lot of entries and they're pretty long and 2) I use my blog in lieu of a journal, and think it might be fun for generations down the road to see how truly insane I was. So it's worth it to me. Daniel paid for it last year in place of one of our back-to-back February/March gift-giving events (Valentine's Day, our wedding anniversary and my birthday) and will probably do the same this year.  It took several hours to edit things as I wanted them, but the website is very user-friendly and I was very happy with the finished product. I recommend it highly!