Holiday things aside, this has been a hard week. Ethan has been difficult, Vivian's fine but clingy and the days have just been really long and really rainy and really lonely. Just not a week that needs to be remembered. But even in those hard days, there have been some moments of joy. Such as discovering that Ethan LOVES the Tony Bennett Christmas CD that I got in the mail. We had a ton of fun dancing around the living room, dipping and swaying and laughing hysterically. To add to the amusement factor, our neighbors at the house across the street were sitting on their porch smoking the whole time, and they had a lovely front-row view to the dancing going on in my living room.
Anyway, God showed mercy on me today in a small, but oh-so-appreciated way. The kids actually took a nap at the same time. Ethan hasn't napped all week, so him napping at all was a major victory. And Vivian rarely naps in the early afternoon, so it was an unexpected blessing. And one I really needed really badly. That hour of downtime made all the difference in the rest of the day. Especially since, after a long week, we had to take Ethan in for another weight check this morning, and I came home with this.
I know. You're thinking I uploaded the wrong picture. Because that's just a metal paint can. Why would that be upsetting? Because I am supposed to collect Ethan's stools for 72 hours and store them in this can. In my refrigerator (we have nowhere else cool to keep it, no garage, no porch, no balcony). IN MY FRIDGE. 72 HOURS OF COLLECTION.
We're still trying to figure out what's up with Ethan's eating and weight. It really probably is nothing. But the thing is, we just don't know. And, he didn't gain any weight at all between his 18 month and 2 year appointment and also didn't get any taller, and we really don't want that to happen again, so we have to keep going back in for regular checks to make sure that he is growing enough (at $25 copay per visit...), even if he is still on the small end of things. And now the doctor wants to do a test just to rule something out. It's not likely that Ethan has the problem, but if he does, it would be good to know now. And if not, we'll just focus on behavioral things and trying to get him to eat and sneaking in extra calories in lots of ways.
I was looking at the doctor type in information for Ethan today and noticed that his first record of weight and eating problems was when he was 7 days old. He is now 870 days old. That's 863 days of fighting over his eating and trying to do anything to get him to gain weight. I am so tired of this.
I don't know how moms with kids with serious health problems do it. You are amazing, and I'm sending up a prayer for strength for all of you today.
Oh, and to close on a smile- even though Ethan won't eat actual food, he will happily try to eat his utensils. While wearing his pjs and his outdoor hat. Toddlers are so strange sometimes, aren't they :)