We're back from the wedding in Canada. It went well and I was even in a good mood and I have lots to blog about regarding the giant family gathering.
But I'm not quite up for it right now. So you'll just have to check back later.
It's been kind of a rough morning here, after a rough couple of days. Things in our lives are starting to resemble the pile of laundry on my kitchen table. We keep just piling stuff up without stopping to deal with the pile, and it's threatening to fall over on us. So to speak.
We've been married just shy of 3 1/2 years now. In that time we have moved twice, been through two high-risk pregnancies that resulted in wonderful kids being born through c-section. Both of our brothers have married. Daniel and I have both lost close family members through tragic accidents. He's changed jobs twice, one time because of a layoff. I've gone on maternity leave twice and between my leaves we've had to adjust to me working part-time and I've had to go from being a career-oriented person to putting my job lower on my priority list and figuring out the logistics of that at the office. We've gone from being people who enjoy socializing and being out and about to being either at work or at home, and not many other places. His job, although he likes it, is very stressful and very very demanding and he comes home most days totally worn out. And as you all know, I'm really struggling with loneliness and identity issues and all that.
These last few years have kicked our butts. And it's just all starting to get to be a little much.
No, our marriage is not in trouble, don't worry. We're just realizing that we really have to stop and deal with these things. Which is hard for us, particularly for Daniel, as that is just not how he's been raised. He's a big fan of ignoring and hoping that things resolve on their own. I'm a big fan of discussing things to death. You see the problem here?
Last night Daniel opened up a bit and told me some of the things that are bothering him. Some of them I wasn't aware of. He's been keeping a lot to himself because he doesn't want to add to my stress load. I'm trying to convince him that him sharing these things with me doesn't stress me, it helps me feel needed and I need to feel needed right now. I need to be able to support him and be a wife, not just a housekeeper and babysitter. I hope he understands that.
I think we're going to try to get some counseling from one of the pastors or someone at church. We really need an impartial third party who is not quite so exhausted and overwhelmed to help us get some perspective on things and suggest some ways that we can deal with some of our stress. Right now we're just both so overwhelmed that it's tough to see what to do. We are also going to work really hard on making our devotional and prayer time, both individually and as a couple, more of a priority. That's a large part of the problem right now, neither of us has been going to God as much as we need to be, which leaves us both running on empty and gives us nothing for each other.
Pray for us, if you're a praying person- we're going to be okay, but we do have some work to do, so could really use some support. Also, if you have any good book suggestions, I'd be open to those ideas as well!