Monday, August 17, 2009

Piles of laundry and stuff

We're back from the wedding in Canada. It went well and I was even in a good mood and I have lots to blog about regarding the giant family gathering.

But I'm not quite up for it right now. So you'll just have to check back later.

It's been kind of a rough morning here, after a rough couple of days. Things in our lives are starting to resemble the pile of laundry on my kitchen table. We keep just piling stuff up without stopping to deal with the pile, and it's threatening to fall over on us. So to speak.

We've been married just shy of 3 1/2 years now. In that time we have moved twice, been through two high-risk pregnancies that resulted in wonderful kids being born through c-section. Both of our brothers have married. Daniel and I have both lost close family members through tragic accidents. He's changed jobs twice, one time because of a layoff. I've gone on maternity leave twice and between my leaves we've had to adjust to me working part-time and I've had to go from being a career-oriented person to putting my job lower on my priority list and figuring out the logistics of that at the office. We've gone from being people who enjoy socializing and being out and about to being either at work or at home, and not many other places. His job, although he likes it, is very stressful and very very demanding and he comes home most days totally worn out. And as you all know, I'm really struggling with loneliness and identity issues and all that.

These last few years have kicked our butts. And it's just all starting to get to be a little much.

No, our marriage is not in trouble, don't worry. We're just realizing that we really have to stop and deal with these things. Which is hard for us, particularly for Daniel, as that is just not how he's been raised. He's a big fan of ignoring and hoping that things resolve on their own. I'm a big fan of discussing things to death. You see the problem here?

Last night Daniel opened up a bit and told me some of the things that are bothering him. Some of them I wasn't aware of. He's been keeping a lot to himself because he doesn't want to add to my stress load. I'm trying to convince him that him sharing these things with me doesn't stress me, it helps me feel needed and I need to feel needed right now. I need to be able to support him and be a wife, not just a housekeeper and babysitter. I hope he understands that.

I think we're going to try to get some counseling from one of the pastors or someone at church. We really need an impartial third party who is not quite so exhausted and overwhelmed to help us get some perspective on things and suggest some ways that we can deal with some of our stress. Right now we're just both so overwhelmed that it's tough to see what to do. We are also going to work really hard on making our devotional and prayer time, both individually and as a couple, more of a priority. That's a large part of the problem right now, neither of us has been going to God as much as we need to be, which leaves us both running on empty and gives us nothing for each other.

Pray for us, if you're a praying person- we're going to be okay, but we do have some work to do, so could really use some support. Also, if you have any good book suggestions, I'd be open to those ideas as well!


Two Sick Peas In A Pod said...

"Love and Respect"

Lindsay said...

Good for you for being preemptive! Sending prayers your way.

I was thinking about this recently for me and R as well along the same sort of lines, like we're approaching three yrs married and we just sort of roll along and don't have State of the Union meetings every six months or year as a priest advised us to do when he was marriage prepping us.

So I have no books to suggest, but I think around our anniversary I'm going to propose to my husband we sit down and have a meeting, each having reflected on what's bugging us, stressing us, what is our PLAN?? etc. I'll suggest we write things down ahead of time so we don't forget.

So sweet of Daniel to do this even though it's not his natural inclination!

Andrea said...

My husband and I have personalities much like that of you and your husband. He's quiet and withdrawn and I'm an "everything out on the table" kind of a gal. We sort of have the "elephant in the room" thing going on at the moment with our finances since neither of us wants to talk about it because it always sparks an argument.

I TOTALLY know how you feel being in the house all day with the kids and feeling lonely. I have SO SO much to do everyday and I find myself doing a fraction of what I could be doing simply because I am always looking for someone to talk to either on the phone, or on

I think counseling is a good idea. That way they can direct your conversation in a productive direction. I think I may look into it as well...

I'll be praying for you.

Mommyto3andahusky said...

Sending prayers your way! :) If I lived close to you I would babysit so you could have date night! :)

Ashley said...

Best of luck to you! I know how it is, and I think you're really smart to want to go to counseling and do things that will help your marriage now, rather than waking up in 20 years and realizing you haven't talked about anything and have nothing in common anymore.