One of the major issues in my marriage is a difference in perspective- Daniel is a dreamer and he's always coming up with great ideas. And I, being a person whose feet are always firmly on the ground, always immediately see ALL the potential issues with any given great idea. Which means I'm always shooting down his ideas without realizing it. My pastor's wife spoke to our mom's group about this exact issue, and encouraged us to be wives who always say "yes", then after a slight delay, ask our husbands for more details and work around to the potential issues in a more subtle manner. I think she's totally right, and I am really working on this issue.
BUT- this story goes back further than my realization that I need to be a wife that pauses before pointing out problems. This story starts when I first met Daniel. He was a happy, carefree 36-year-old, with a 3-bedroom house in the suburbs. And free time and spare money. The good old days. His 3-bedroom house was nice enough, but it was furnished with a futon in the bedroom and another in the living room. Also in the living room was a pool table and an inflatable armchair. And a card table for the dining table. He'd been shopping for furniture with his best friend for years, but hadn't actually ever bought anything (the man does NOT move quickly).
Then, after we'd been dating for about 6 months, we were starting to get into a more serious relationship. And suddenly, Daniel went out and bought an entire houseful of furniture. We were not serious enough for me to have an input on the furniture though. So he bought a lovely two layer glass dining table with lots of nooks and crannies. The chairs for the table are all white, made of some synthetic leather. And a white leather sofa and armchair.
And then we got a cat. And then we got married and got another cat. And soon after getting married we had a child. And another child. The furniture is TRASHED. We've done our best to protect it, but this type of furniture cannot hold up to two cats and two kids.
Today I looked away from what Ethan was up to for about 1.5 seconds and looked back to find that he had somehow found a blue crayon and was drawing all over the white leather armchair.
Look at the left part of the chair, it's newly decorated with blue crayon.
The crayon actually washed off okay this time. But what is not seen in the photograph are the claw marks from the two cats and the other damage from having a toddler climbing all over it with crayons and toys and sippy cups. And the dining room table with its nooks and crannies/ All full of food from the toddler that hates to eat, but who finds shoving his food into the table very fun. The moral of the story? Men, we don't mean to shoot down your ideas all the time, but we're probably going to. Because we can't help but think of what things will mean in the future. And we're probably right.
*Editorial comment- someone asked why we moved from the suburbs to the city, when it meant my husband giving up so much space. The answer is that he was living in the suburbs 70 miles away, and his office closed right after we got married, so rather than me moving down there, as we had originally planned, he moved to Seattle and we got a bigger space in Seattle. He's lived in the city most of his life and was anxious to get back, so it was all pretty much his idea.