I know I'm going to look back on this time about 6 months from now and wish desperately for an empty, quiet condo for an hour or two. Trying to remember that now.
Anyway, today is a day that I'm spending trying to get my brain focused on the right things- trying to remember why I'm home and what I'm supposed to be doing. As I told Daniel, this is hard for me. I feel (irrationally, I know) guilty for being home and sitting around and not working and not taking care of Ethan and not really doing much in terms of cleaning or things like that. It's hard to remember that my almost-full-time job right now needs to be relaxing and doing whatever I can to rest to get this little girl growing and give her the best start at the outside world.
But she's still sort of an abstract idea to me, so that's hard. And especially hard given my goal-oriented, check-it-off-the-to-do-list type personality. So I have to stop and remind myself A LOT to lie down and stop trying to "do" something all the time. It's a challenge.
I called to make my extra appointments this morning, as directed by the OB that discharged me on Friday. And discovered that my OB is going to be out again at the end of this week, so I wont be seeing her for another week and a half still. I'll see someone else on Friday and I'm sure they'll be great and will do what needs to be done, but it still is strange to be going through all this and having no idea what my doctor thinks about any of it. Given the completely different opinions that two of the doctors in the practice had last week regarding what should be done, I was kind of hoping to hear what she thought about the whole thing. I do have a NST tomorrow and I might see her if New Baby doesn't cooperate for that (as New Baby has a tendency to do), so there still might be the chance to talk about it this week, but I'm trying not to count on it.
So that's my report from day #1 of maternity leave!