Okay, so last night, my poor sweet husband came home from a very long day at work, and I handed him Ethan and said "take him outside". Because yesterday was gorgeous, and poor Ethan kept going to the door and getting his jacket and trying to get me to unfold the stroller and take him outside. Which, not surprisingly, made me feel bad and cry. Poor kid was stuck in the house with Crazy Mommy until 6:30, then he finally got to go for a walk. To the store to buy cat food, but it was still a walk.
I cried more last night to Daniel, after he had worked another 3 hours and was completely exhausted. Have I mentioned that he's a saint? We knew we wanted to have kids close together for a huge number of reasons. But when I got pregnant, Ethan was just a year old, and wasn't as much of a little person as he is now, if that makes sense. Now he has more obvious needs and emotions, and I find myself really concerned about how things are going to affect him. Most specifically, being stuck at home, in the condo with me for the whole month of May, if I have to stay on bed rest. Which is doubly frustrating, because, let's be honest, bed rest with a toddler is a joke, so I'm not really resting that much, just not out of the condo and walking around. But I'm sitting up and on my feet a lot at home, which makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job of taking care of New Baby either. Argh.
That was the gist of the crying to Daniel last night. He suggested that we talk to daycare and see if they happen to still have a spot open for May, but that would be a huge amount of money, and since I'm about to stop work for the foreseeable future, I just cant handle that idea. Especially since we don't know if bed rest is going to last or if the baby is going to come early or what.
Finally I stopped crying and let Daniel sleep, and I just started praying, mentally putting this huge pile of worry at His feet. Because I know He loves Ethan and New Baby more than I do and is watching out for both of them. And I was finally able to sleep a little after that. I'm still feeling pretty overwhelmed and scared, but it's better.
In other news, Daniel went to the store last night and saw Easter candy on 75% off clearance and didn't buy me any. He said it was the same stuff I'd already bought. Which I've mostly eaten already and am running low on. And since when does the presence of chocolate in the house mean that no more chocolate should be purchased? He's such a strange man, that one.