Friday, March 20, 2009

Immeasurably more

I'm going to be writing about my faith and my struggles with that today- so if you're visiting here to read my usual whining about pregnancy/toddlers/work, check back tomorrow. Or Monday, tomorrow I'm shopping! so will be in a good mood :)

Anyway, back to what I wanted to write about this morning.

Let's just be honest here for a minute, we've been struggling lately. I feel guilty about admitting that, because we have two good jobs, and Ethan is healthy and New Baby is doing relatively well, and we are blessed in so many ways. But we are struggling. Not with money or jobs, but with energy and time and (in my case only) remembering to be nice and not take everything out on the closest person (who is always Daniel).

Daniel has a job that he likes a lot. He works for a boss that he deeply respects, he believes in the future of the company, and he enjoys his job. Other than the fact that he is massively overworked right now, because the company is still fairly new and doesn't have the money to hire the staff that they really need to do all the work that needs to be done to make the money that they need to hire more staff. Follow that? And, since Daniel manages employees from a company in Asia, as well as working with people at his physical office, his job is going on 24 hours a day.

Last night we had our usual "discussion" about work and family. Seriously, one of these days I'm just going to tape it, then we can press play on the tape, have the "discussion" and go about our lives. It's the same thing every time. Not because anyone is doing anything wrong (other than me for being so irrational), but because we're really kind of stuck. He can't get home any earlier, I get overwhelmed in the evening and am totally freaking out at the thought of how I'm going to handle it once New Baby shows up... and we're both frustrated because there are no good answers.

Then last night I finally said something that reminded me of one of my favorite Bible verses.

Ephesians 3:20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Please don't get me wrong, I do not believe that God fixes everything as quickly as He brought the bus for me on my bad day on Monday. There are a lot of times in my life when the answer to my prayers has been "no" or "wait". Now that I'm a parent, I definitely understand that a lot more. I don't like to see Ethan upset when I say "no", but I also don't think he should be eating chocolate candy bars or watching hours and hours of TV. Most of the time when I say no, it's for his own good. And I know God has my best interest in mind as well.

I think the thing that struck me in this situation was how far off track I have gotten. I've been sitting around and whining and feeling sorry for myself and heaping huge amounts of stress on Daniel's head, rather than praying and trusting that there IS a reason that we are stuck in our current living situation, with all its challenges.

So I'm telling you all here, in public, in writing, that I am going to have faith in this. That I'm going to believe in the One who can do immeasurably more than I ask or imagine. The One who loves and my husband and children more than I can fathom. I wish He'd fix it right now, but I know He might not, and that's okay. He has a reason and a plan, and I'm going to work on remembering that more and whining less. About this particular situation, at least. I'd have nothing to blog about if I wasn't whining :)


cessc said...

Have you entertained the idea of a "mother's helper" a few evenings a week. I was a mothers helper in high school and I loved it. Parents were home grading papers (they were professors) and I watched the kids and sometimes gave them a bath...maybe on those busient evenings???

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Carrie - it does get better.