Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Taking a step out on faith

Okay, before I get to the main point of this post, I want to say that I am totally amused by myself these days. I've been writing these long, venty posts about pregnancy and the discomforts that go along with it, and all the emotional ups and downs I'm going through. Then, I go and read the posts from the same point in my last pregnancy, and they are virtually identical! I'm scared to read ahead though...

Anyway, this morning I decided that it was time to finally be a big girl and send an email I've been needing to write. The one to daycare, telling them that we're having another baby and that Ethan will only be in daycare through the end of April. It was so hard to write! Especially since Ethan loves daycare and they are so wonderful there. And it took so freaking long to get him a spot there, so it was hard to give up.

But I KNOW this is the right thing to do.  Even if there was not another baby on the way, Ethan's getting to an age where he seems to need to be around me more. And I'm getting to a point where I spend more time questioning the point of my job (which I still generally like) and whether my work is worth leaving my kid behind 3 days out of the week. I'm still all for working moms, but in this case, the staying home side was starting to outweigh the work side.  As I told Daniel the other week on a Friday- I had had a really good week at work, one of those perfect weeks where I was busy during the day, but nothing stressful that carried over into the evenings or worried me too much. And even though it had been a great week at work- I still was ready to not be doing it anymore. Weeks like that make me even more sure that this is the right decision.

So I emailed work and told them my last day before leave would be April 29, and then I would like to take unpaid leave for the rest of 2009 and make a decision then about coming back, depending on if we manage to move and what the childcare situation is like where we end up.  And I emailed daycare and gave them the news too. It made me feel a little ill. It's hard to face the idea of giving up a job, even temporarily in this economy, but I believe this is what God wants our family to do, and He'll help us adapt!

**Edited to add this PS
Okay, so I was being all happy and positive about this and sure that this is what we should do. Then I gave Ethan lunch, and he ate well, but ended up wearing a lot of the food, so went straight to the bath.  Where he played for a little while. Then pooped in the tub. A lot.  Do you know how much effort it took to NOT email work and daycare and say "never mind!"  :)  


Lizzie said...

Oooh, what a crazy grown-up thing to do...

Erin said...

I loved my job, too, but OH! I am so glad that I am not working there anymore. My job and parenting would not have gone well together.

And then there was the lovely news recently that the department where I worked pre-Emily has been outsourced as of July 1 this year. So I would have been out of a job anyways. Yet another reason why I'm better off out here. :)

I think your plan of attack sounds like a very reasonable one.

My one suggestion is to find a MOMS Club or other Mommy and Kid type group to spend time with during the day. You shouldn't have to be cooped up in the apartment all day with two kids. You might just loose your ever-lovin' mind. :)

Lindsay said...

They say........that when you have to choose between two good situations (home with the kids fulltime or lucky to be able to swing part time) that those are good problems to have. No wonder it was a difficult choice. In the end, it's gotta be a leap of faith eh? All the best with the soon to be SAHMing.

maggie said...

I keep waiting for the day my kid poops in the tub.

Go you. I like to think of SAHMing as more time to hang out with cool mom friends. LIKE ME. HINT HINT.