Anyway, this morning I decided that it was time to finally be a big girl and send an email I've been needing to write. The one to daycare, telling them that we're having another baby and that Ethan will only be in daycare through the end of April. It was so hard to write! Especially since Ethan loves daycare and they are so wonderful there. And it took so freaking long to get him a spot there, so it was hard to give up.
But I KNOW this is the right thing to do. Even if there was not another baby on the way, Ethan's getting to an age where he seems to need to be around me more. And I'm getting to a point where I spend more time questioning the point of my job (which I still generally like) and whether my work is worth leaving my kid behind 3 days out of the week. I'm still all for working moms, but in this case, the staying home side was starting to outweigh the work side. As I told Daniel the other week on a Friday- I had had a really good week at work, one of those perfect weeks where I was busy during the day, but nothing stressful that carried over into the evenings or worried me too much. And even though it had been a great week at work- I still was ready to not be doing it anymore. Weeks like that make me even more sure that this is the right decision.
So I emailed work and told them my last day before leave would be April 29, and then I would like to take unpaid leave for the rest of 2009 and make a decision then about coming back, depending on if we manage to move and what the childcare situation is like where we end up. And I emailed daycare and gave them the news too. It made me feel a little ill. It's hard to face the idea of giving up a job, even temporarily in this economy, but I believe this is what God wants our family to do, and He'll help us adapt!
**Edited to add this PS
Okay, so I was being all happy and positive about this and sure that this is what we should do. Then I gave Ethan lunch, and he ate well, but ended up wearing a lot of the food, so went straight to the bath. Where he played for a little while. Then pooped in the tub. A lot. Do you know how much effort it took to NOT email work and daycare and say "never mind!" :)