Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Pretty much clinging to his ankles and begging him not to go

I'm trying to behave myself today and not whine about Daniel leaving me for 73 hours. Because it's not like he wants to fly cross-country, making multiple stops and spending the night sitting up in a middle seat and trying to sleep, all to attend a sad event and be a pallbearer for a man he loved. I need to keep my mouth shut and be supportive and not overly pregnant and emotional until AFTER I drop him off at the airport tonight. I can do it, really.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but when I was a kid, I used to be sure that my parents were going to die any time they were away from me for more than a day or two. To the point of making myself totally ill. You'd never have guessed that I'd grow up and turn into the type of person who travels around the world alone and lives in the former Soviet Union by herself at the age of 23. So if you have a kid like this, don't worry too much. Daniel rarely leaves for extended periods of time, so this hasn't come up too much lately, but it seems like when he does leave, I'm always in a heightened state of stress. Like when he went to China with his family- it was just before our wedding. When he went to Kansas for work on his last business trip- I was 7 months pregnant with Ethan. And we all know how mentally stable I am right now.

So I didn't sleep well last night, fretting a little bit. Not about taking care of Ethan, although I know I'll be tired by Saturday night, but just about missing Daniel and not wanting him to leave. Because he is my best friend and I would rather be with him than anyone else. I love seeing him in the evenings and chatting with him on Skype during the day about what's going on in my life. I like feeling connected to him. And he's going to be far away for the next few days and dealing with a really sad time all by himself.

On a funny note, the entire family (and I mean ENTIRE) is staying at his aunt and uncle's house. So each sub-family gets a room, and Daniel has to share an air mattress with his brother, which will be located on the floor next to his parents' bed. I giggle whenever I think about it. 35 years just got subtracted from his age, right there. Can you imagine, being 41 and 43 years old and having to share a bed and sleep next to your parents? Too funny.

The other thing that I'm spending WAY too much time thinking about right now is when to go on maternity leave and take Ethan out of daycare. I really don't like the thought of having him deal with the loss of daycare and the arrival of the new baby all at once, so we were thinking about me going on leave effective May 1. But then I don't know what I'm going to do with him during my twice weekly non-stress tests that I'll be doing by then. He's a good kid, but I think sitting still for 20 minutes to an hour twice per week might be hoping for a little much from him. And I'm fairly certain that leaving him home alone with the cats is also not an option. Seriously, I thought all these appointments were complicated to schedule last pregnancy, and that was when I just had my schedule and Daniel's to worry about!

People, adulthood is complicated!

1 comment:

Lizzie said...

Carrie, if you need someone to watch Ethan, I'm almost always available and would LOVE to help out. Keep me in mind...