Monday, January 12, 2009

Deep thoughts

I have a lot of spare time, so have been thinking deep thoughts.

1. I think the worst part of bedrest is not the actual inactivity, it's that I'm forced to a) admit weakness and b) rely on others. This might be hard for you all to believe, since I'm so totally a mess here on  my blog, but in real life I do NOT show weakness or let others help me with things.  Except Daniel.  That's one of the reasons why so few people that I know in real life know about my blog- I normally don't like to let people know when I'm having problems. Not sure why, maybe it's years of being the preacher's kid and always having to be/wanting to be as perfect as the image that people had of me.
Some friends have offered to come over and help out and I have taken a couple of them up on the offer. But I'm totally freaked out at the idea of lying around on the couch while someone else chases my child and does stuff for me.  The thought of being waited on in my own home makes me pretty nervous.  It's probably a good thing, because then maybe I'll rest like I should, but still. It just feels wrong.

2.  Did I mention that I am having to re-do the 24-hour urine test because they tested it for the wrong thing? Seriously!  The least fun test in pregnancy and now I've done it twice in a month.  It is, admittedly, easier to do when you're at home 24-7 though. No worries about what to do when you're out. But it's still gross.

3.  I think in some ways the whole annoyance over forced rest is good, because it keeps me from being scared about my baby.  I know she's fine right now, and I'm avoiding the websites that talk about what could happen if this doesn't improve.  I did try to casually tell Daniel that this could be something major if the fluid levels don't increase. I don't want to scare him, but he relies on me for letting him know about these things, so I don't want him to be caught offguard if things do get worse. It's a balancing act.

4. Seriously, my husband is a saint. He's exhausted from working way too many hours, chasing Ethan around, doing all the stuff I usually do (except laundry, I admit, I've still been doing that. And I have to clean the bathroom today, but that's quick and easy. I have my limits for what I can put up with), and he has done it all without a word of complaint. He's just such a genuinely good-natured, giving, serving person. It's pretty amazing to watch such love in action.  I need to take notes. 

5. Lethargy is kind of addictive after a while.  I hope I still am motivated to do stuff when I'm allowed up and about again!

Okay, back to working for me.  I'm also feeling blessed to have a job that I can do from my couch/bed. I'd be even more insane otherwise.  


Lindsay said...

One of my poor coworkers had to collect her urine for 24 hours so she had a container at work of course and somehow FORGOT it in the bathroom and our office cleaners come at like 5:01 on the dot...awkward.

Also, I wonder what it is that causes people to not want real life people to read their blogs? I'm the same way, but only with certain people...

Eve said...

SO with you there! It sounds nice to be cared for by others but when it comes down to it, it's very humbling. Hang in there. Aren't you glad for the Internet? It helps a little.