I'm so very tired. But once again, so totally loathe to give up this free time to read my books and play on the computer without the laundry/dishes/diaper changing looming large in the background.
I had a nice day today, we went shopping downtown this morning and I got my cell phone fixed (but didn't talk Daniel into getting me a new phone, darn it) and I bought one cute shirt for now and one that could be cute now but would be really cute if I was pregnant this coming winter (seriously, clothes this season-- totally cute for maternity wear! must get pregnant immediately! oh wait, already trying to work on that). Then we went to a potluck with our beloved church friends whom I haven't seen enough of lately. We were all dragging from tiredness, as most of our kids got the memo about being awake last night, but it was still good to see them. I love these women- they've totally kept me from going off the deep end this year.
But now it's night and we're home and I'm tired. But this is MY time and I don't want to go to sleep. And there was something that came up in conversation today that's been making me really conflicted- several of the moms in my group (out of the 5 moms at the potluck, 3 are stay-at-home moms and 2 are working moms, I'm the only part-time working mom) talked about their husbands trying to give them one night a week when they were expected to go out on their own. Daniel is ALWAYS happy to let me go out whenever I want and has never had a moment's hesitation in any duty sharing. But the idea of me deserving time off has never come up, and I'm totally unsure about this. I work part-time, and he works full-time and has a much longer commute. But on the days that I work, I work 8 hours, then come home and take care of Ethan and clean while he naps and do laundry and organize things... and on and on. But Daniel works 40+ hours a week and has an hour commute in the evenings and gets no time to himself other than his commute and his occasional trip to the gym and his lunches once a week with his friend.
So, have I forfeited any time alone in the evenings by working part-time, since my work brings in almost no money and it's clearly something I'm doing for myself? Should I be the one telling Daniel that he needs a night off?
WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME OF HOW CONFUSING PARENTHOOD WOULD BE???
Seriously, I don't know whether to hope for a positive or negative pregnancy test in a few weeks (yeah, we're in that fun part of the month when I can't do anything fun or eat anything fun like sushi or wine, just in case there might possibly be a little person trying to grow inside me, but I dont actually know that, so all the rules are just stressing me out). Maybe it would make things more clear cut if I'm home with 2 kids all day. Or not, in which case I'm in trouble, but now it's 11:30 and I'm too tired to think about it anymore.