One of the big tradeoffs of only working 24 hours a week (and being very clear about my refusal to work overtime) is that I do not get assigned to a great deal of projects. For the last two weeks, I've only had one project to work on. It's dull. And stressful, all at the same time. Not sure how that's possible, but it is. I about went into a coma from boredom on Monday. Today I opened my work email and found a long, upset email from my project manager, concerned about some of the things that we'd been doing. We'd been following instructions and doing what we were told, so technically we'd done nothing wrong. But I still feel badly about it. I have been working hard on this project and trying to do my very best, despite a constantly moving set of instructions and the aforementioned dullness. And I want everyone to be happy with things!
So, we were told to not work on the project anymore, which left me with nothing to do. So I packed up and went in to the office (I was supposed to be working at home today) to do some mindless work that I begged off of another co-worker. And to field phone calls from people involved in the bad project.
I just don't know what I want anymore. I like my job, and they've been so good to me, but it doesn't seem worth it to be away from Ethan just to work on projects that are dull. But, at the same time, I don't want to take on much more work responsibility, because managing projects and working on faster-paced projects would involve a lot of overtime and stress. And I don't want that either. We're talking about me going down to just 2 days/week, which would mean that I would lose my PTO benefits, but that's not such a big deal. It's not really time to make that decision- we don't really know what our financial situation is going to be with Daniel's job, since he's only gotten one partial paycheck so far, and he actually is still getting paid for another week by the old job. I'm kind of glad that we cant decide yet, since I have no clue what to do.
I really don't know if I will like being home all the time, but Ethan is getting a lot more interesting, so maybe it wont be that bad. And when we have another baby, that'll be it for work for me for a while anyway, since I don't make enough to pay for daycare for two little ones.
So much rambling on today- sorry about that. I'm all conflicted these days.
In other news, the weather is gorgeous here today! It's so nice to see the blue sky and sunshine after a long weekend of bad weather. Maybe Ethan will wake up from his nap in time for us to go for a walk- I need some fresh air!