Friday, June 27, 2008

Wishing I had the answers

Most of the time I'm 100% thankful that Daniel isn't as emotional and expressive as I am. For me, a thought is not a thought if it's not said out loud or blogged about. This blog has probably rescued Daniel from innumerable annoying conversations.

But it's hard when I'm watching him have a tough time. I don't want to sit around and poke and prod and demand that he tell me what he's thinking/feeling. Because, knowing him, he hasn't really worked it all out in his head yet, so he can't even tell me. But it's hard to be a good wife when I don't know what to do. He's so rarely sad/discouraged/frustrated that I'm caught off guard when he is. I try to just give him space, and pray really hard. Tonight, when the email came in from the job, I just left (the baby was sleeping, so that wasn't an issue) and walked VERY SLOWLY down to the grocery store and back.

I hate seeing people I love in pain. I like everyone to be happy. Because (despite all my complaining and whining here), I am generally happy and content. And I want everyone in my circle to be there with me. But they aren't, and I'm not sure what to do about that. And I'm having to bite my tongue sometimes with Daniel, because I am feeling so much peace about this whole work situation and trust so much that God is preparing the right job for him. And the job he interviewed for this week is 2 blocks from where I work, which has to be a good thing! Right?

I just want to make him feel better and take care of him. I wish I knew how. I wish he would give me a clue. My best answer tonight is to let him sleep while I blog my angst. Those of you who read this and know him- please, just ignore the whole job thing for a while when you talk to him. He needs time to process.

In other news, we're going to Canada. On the 4th of July! Ethan's first! How TOTALLY wrong is that? But a dear friend of mine is going to be in Vancouver on the 6th, and work/daycare is closed on the 4th, so we're heading up then. I tried to explain to Daniel why it was so wrong for an American to have to spend the 4th of July in Canada, but he didn't get it. Luckily for him, he's more depressed than me right now, so he wins :) But Ethan's still wearing the "Red, White and Cute" shirt that I bought for him. Dual citizen, my butt. He's an AMERICAN baby!


The Veaters said...

How fun! I've never been to Vancouver yet, or Canada at all, and I'm dying to go. I know how you feel about it being wrong to be in another country for the 4'th of July though. I was in France once for the 4'th, and it was the weirdest thing to have it NOT be a holiday there!

Anonymous said...

I'm a first-timer to your blog, and I gotta say -- THANK YOU for your daily public reliance on God. How refreshing! Your witness will not go unnoticed and has not gone unappreciated by me (