Friday, June 29, 2007

Argh (need to relax and get some perspective on this)

I just got an email from one of the litigation lawyers I work with. Demanding to know where a work product is. One that my boss gave me no indication was due anytime soon. And she's on vacation. And I'm not even the project manager on this, so it shouldn't be my problem. Truthfully, it isnt my problem, I've done my work on this, pretty darned well too. I just hate it when these issues come in on Friday afternoons- hangs over my whole Friday evening since there's nothing I can do about it!

I need to remember that this is not a big deal. It's not my project, it's not anything I did wrong and there's nothing we can do about it until Monday.

At least I have pretty fingernails and toenails.

All my favorite things

I think that three of my absolute favorite things in life are 1) spending time with good friends, 2) cake and 3) presents. And my baby shower is tomorrow. Where all three of those favorites will be represented! Hurray! (It's really hard for me to believe that I'm 30 years old right now, because I'm acting/sounding exactly like I did when I was about 10).

Daniel supposedly had a conference call at 7 AM this morning. Thankfully, he got up and let me sleep until 6:45. Then the conference call was canceled, so we hung out at home until I dropped him off at work on my way to the hospital for my non-stress test (which went fine). Daniel's currently lost to me, because he just got this new little mini computer, and he spends all his time playing with it. It's very cool, but the screen is so small that it makes me a little ill. Still, it's going to be a fun toy to have.

I'm only working 3 hours today- loving this new 35 hour work week. Supposedly me working 35 hours/week means I work 7 hour days, but I had enough 8 and 9 hour days earlier this week to blow through 32 hours, so I'm almost done for the day. Which is good, because, I have nothing to do. But my office is clean!

So, I'm off to the grocery store and to get a manicure/pedicure (my second one EVER!) this afternoon. Then I'll probably clean. I washed out the inside of the refrigerator this morning. Daniel was confused that I felt the need to do that at 7 AM, but hey, I was awake and had energy. I'm not sure what I'll tackle this afternoon, but I'm sure some dirt will catch my attention.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Thursday

Finally, we're more than halfway through this week. My baby shower is on Saturday, so I'm even more anxious than usual to be done with the workweek.

I'm very excited about work today, because we have a 2 hour telecon. That I get to take from my office. So I just get to sit here and listen to people talk and I don't have to be productive or think (not that I'm really capable of thinking very much anyway). And I get paid for it. What a great day!

I told Daniel last night that I feel like my body is moving in slow motion and that my brain is made up of molasses. Then I proceeded to cry most of the evening because I had to stand up for the whole, very crowded bus ride, and people kept running into my belly with their book bags. I was tired and emotional yesterday to begin with, so it didn't take much to push me over the edge. But Daniel was sweet to me (I think I am the most blessed woman ever!) and let me do nothing more strenuous last night than lick envelopes for the bills he was paying and put address labels on the outside of the envelopes. So I'm feeling a lot better today. And I didn't have to ride the bus this morning, which was great.

Gotta go visit the ladies room again now. Lucky's wiggling around and my bladder apparently is getting in his way.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Feeling drained

I have to admit, I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea of this total exhaustion that I'm feeling now as just a tiny glimpse of the tiredness that I will be feeling in about 6 more weeks. I'm worn out already. Not sleeping well at night, uncomfortable all day from my oddly shaped body. Hats off to all of you who are pregnant with other kids at home or with jobs that require physical effort.

This morning I went to put on the summer dress that I bought for my baby shower (which is on Saturday!) and discovered that I shrunk it when I washed it last week. It's just a casual little dress from Old Navy, but it was really cute. But I think I may have washed it in warm water without thinking. So I have to go shopping this afternoon. Which will be fun, if I can come up with the energy to actually leave my desk and go outside.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Ah, summer

Okay, hands down, top of the list on the reasons why I love Seattle- summer is there. Very top. This place rocks in the summer. Today we have beautiful blue skies, a few puffy white clouds, and a predicted high of 80. And it stays light until almost 10 PM these days. Perfect.

I'm learning interesting things about Daniel these days as we talk about our childhoods and prepare for Lucky's arrival. Some of these things are strange to me. 1) he cant cook potatoes. Or spaghetti. Because he didn't grow up eating them. I cant cook rice very well though, so it goes both ways. But the thing I find most strange is that, since he didn't grow up eating spaghetti, he never got to go into the kitchen when his mom was cooking spaghetti and get one long, raw noodle to munch on (my family wasn't the only ones who did that, right?). I offered him a noodle the other day and he just stared at me. 2) His preferred snack of choice as a child was dried octopus. That turns my stomach just thinking about it. 3) He doesn't know the words to the kids song, BINGO. How weird is that! I have to teach him all the traditional kids songs. I'm picturing myself having lessons in our living room, with Daniel and the baby sitting in front of me, taking notes on words and hand motions.

Lucky's going to have an interesting childhood, growing up in a cross-cultural family, that's for sure.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Eeek

My doctor's actually talking about scheduling the induction for August 4. The thought of the baby being born in just under 6 weeks sends me to a weird non-brain-functioning place. Wow.

Monday morning

We had childbirth class this weekend- it went pretty well. The first day wasn't really any new information, but the second day covered inductions, epidurals and C-sections, which was really helpful. Daniel did great during the birth videos and I was really proud of him. One girl went into labor during the class- she was having contractions on Saturday, still having them on Sunday, went to her hospital during the lunch break, and then her mom came back in the afternoon to get her stuff, saying that her water had broken at the hospital and things were underway! Crazy.

We did have one funny moment on Sunday. Before lunch our teacher had us do a guided visualization- something about walking on a path in the woods to a wall where there is a gate that opens to a garden. We were supposed to visualize it and then talk about our visualization with our partner to see how we experienced the same thing differently- what color we saw things, where the path was in our visualization, etc. Daniel and I completely failed this exercise. Turns out I pretty much was lost in the visualization when the teacher said "you are walking on a dirt path" and I started thinking "dirt? Ick! I need to not touch the dirt." Then she talked about walking under a tree branch, and I started worrying about bugs dropping off the branch onto me. The final straw was when she had us visualize a bird in the trees, and I started seeing the scene from Shrek where Princess Fiona sings to a bird and makes it explode... But, as it turns out, I'm not the most messed up one in the class. Daniel was apparently thinking about the hamburger that he wanted for lunch, and whether to order french fries or onion rings with it. :)

Okay, time for me to get ready for my doctor's appointment. Then off to work. Hopefully I'll stay awake at work- sleep has been elusive lately. Which is fine on the weekends, but a little harder to deal with on a worknight.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

What I've realized

For a while I was hoarding my PTO (paid time off, what we have instead of sick/vacation leave) for use after the baby was born. Then I realized that getting up early and going to work early to make up for the hours I missed for doctors' appointments, in order to not use PTO, was silly. Because sleep right now is worth way more than an extra hour or two of PTO in the bank.

On a similar note, I've realized that I've started to really value the weekend mornings that I wake up early and get up early. Because I know that I wont have time that's purely my own, well, ever again. So, here I sit in the baby's room, enjoying the cool morning breeze, looking out at the beautiful scaffolding on the side of our condo building (I really hope they get done with renovations soon). We have to go to childbirth class at 9:30. But it's only 7, so I have some time before I have to get ready. And I plan to eat my breakfast and drink my coffee and enjoy the quiet. Or semi-quiet, as my getting up triggers what I call "cat crazy time", so they're running around like lunatics. But I can ignore them.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Wow

I cant believe it, but I'm already at the point of my pregnancy where I have to start emailing my clients to warn them of my upcoming leave. 7 weeks and a few days to go until D-day (assuming my regular doctor agrees with the hypertension doctor about inducing on-time/early).

I've been sitting around the office today, quietly singing "All by myself, don't wanna be, all by myself" a la Bridget Jones. All the Boston people are taking a writing course, and the Seattle people are at a mercury conference. I'm doing random things around the office. More maternity leave prep and document management type stuff. I think I'll probably leave early and go do something fun this afternoon. I was really hoarding my PTO, but then it occurred to me that after the little one comes I wont get to 1) sleep or 2) go places by myself, so I feel it's a valuable use of my PTO to do those things now. But I'm going to try to stick it out a few more hours today. Until I figure out what I'm going to go do this afternoon, at least.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

There's something not quite right about this...

We had our long afternoon of appointments yesterday- growth ultrasound, non-stress test, cardiac output test, and wrap-up doctor's appointment. They all went pretty well. I about fell asleep during the ultrasound, since the technician was mainly looking at the baby's heart and measuring leg bones and such. Nothing too interesting. Even if it had been interesting, I would have wanted to sleep, I think. You put a pregnant woman on a bed for an hour, chances are she's going to try to take a nap. Lucky's still on the small side- holding steady at 30th percentile. Except for his head. Which is right on schedule, and which is the thing I find to be not quite right (see subject line). Apparently, I'm going to get to push a freakishly large-headed baby out. Daniel made the very stupid comment yesterday "well, at least the rest of the body will be easy once you get the head out." I pointed out that the head is usually the difficult/painful part, and that wasn't really any consolation that his body is small.

The non-stress test went well too. Lucky tried to sleep through it, so got buzzed a couple of times. It looks like I'll have to have those tests twice a week from now on. I'm going to probably have to cut back on my work hours in order to fit in all the doctors' appointments that I'll be having in the next two months.

But- the good news of the day yesterday (this still needs to be confirmed by my doctor) is that, due to my BP issues, there is no benefit to me going past my due date, and I'll probably be induced right around that date! Hurray!!!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Recovering from the weekend

It's Monday afternoon already. Today has actually gone really quickly, surprisingly. 7.5 hours ago I walked in to the office with nothing to do, but then got a bunch of work dumped on me at once. My boss is going on vacation this coming weekend (hurray!), but in the meantime she's in a rush to get as many things done as is humanly possible. So there will be multitudes of these little flurries of activity this week. I'm out half the day tomorrow for 4 appointments at the hospital. A new record for me. Hopefully there wont be work crises while I'm out.

We had our baby care class this Saturday, as well as the hospital tour. I left the class feeling discouraged and overwhelmed again- it seems like all the books and classes only talk about all the things can can go wrong- the baby that doesn't sleep for 5 months, colic, stomach problems, breastfeeding issues, etc. When you're already feeling tired and discouraged about pregnancy in general, adding in all that info makes it really tough to be too excited about having the baby. One of our pastors preached on Sunday on the topic of parenthood, and his first point was "children are a blessing." I need to remember that when I get overwhelmed with all the information.

Then my parents informed me that the baby might be sleeping through the night by the time they come to visit. At 2 weeks post-birth. They didn't believe me when I said that babies aren't expected to sleep through the night that early and that they have to eat every 2-3 hours. It's going to be an interesting visit.

The most amusing/interesting part of Saturday was when Daniel and I were sitting in the hospital lobby between our class and our tour. A couple walked by on their way out to the car, carrying their newborn in his/her carseat, and toting all their hospital bags along. You could practically sense the emotion radiating off them and read their thoughts "oh my goodness, they're letting us leave with this baby, what on earth do we do now." Hard to believe it's going to be us in 2 months (please baby, please don't be late).

I also discovered that I am the only person in my family who is not bothered by hospitals. I actually kind of like them. Daniel however, while we were in the hallway waiting for the tour, turned to me and said "this place is creepy." We were in a nicely lit, nicely furnished, quiet waiting area outside labor and delivery, so I did not find it creepy in the least. He apparently did. And my mom went through excruciating home deliveries just to avoid hospitals and doctors. I'd so much rather be in the hospital's controlled environment with doctors and nurses close by.

So, that's the weekend and the day today. It's going to be a busy week this week, with the all-afternoon appointments tomorrow (growth ultrasound, non-stress test, cardiac output testing, doctor's visit), a Mariner's game on Wednesday (we have upper-deck seats. My 120 pound husband is going to have fun hauling me up all those stairs....), and childbirth class all weekend (I giggle inwardly at the thought of Daniel watching the childbirth video. I'm only giving him a 50/50 shot at getting through it without covering his eyes or fainting).

Friday, June 15, 2007

a 2 PM on Friday afternoon observation

It's getting hard to sit comfortably at my desk at work all day. Mostly because there's nowhere to put my belly anymore. It keeps bumping the desk. Strange feeling, that. I used to fit at my desk.

Too much

Yesterday was too much. Although I am grateful that the trip to Portland happened this week and not a week or two from now. If it had, I would probably be curled up in the car at a rest stop, waiting for Daniel to find a way to come rescue me.

Got up at 5:30 Thursday morning after a night of not much sleep. My back aches too much to sleep really well. Then drove to Portland, thankfully only sitting in rush hour traffic for about 30 minutes. Got to the government office and sorted through two carts of files- looking for random sentences of interest buried in giant reports. Finished the review and went to find the hotel for the business lunch. Where I did not walk around networking and passing out my business card. Sat through a fairly good lunch and an hour plus of incredibly dull presentations. Then managed to find my way out of Portland (thanks to our car's navigation system) and very tiredly drove back to get Daniel in Satsop. I *had* to stop in Centralia at the outlet malls- for my own safety, of course. :) Got some cute slip on sneakers and some more onesies for the munchkin. Including a cute one that says "I play sports with Daddy." Too cute.

We made it home last night around 7 PM, and I laid on the couch until Daniel got home from meeting with his friend. That was my favorite part of the day- just lying there with pillows propped under me and behind me and around me. Heaven.

So now it's back to the grind. Still don't have much to do, but I'm really too tired to care that much. Just hoping today goes quickly. Tomorrow we have a baby care class at the hospital, which should be interesting. Hopefully we'll learn a lot!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I am NOT making this up

I think I've mentioned this before, but my in-laws are choosing Lucky's middle name, since Daniel's spoken Chinese is good, but not good enough to know meanings of names. We asked them for a short list of suggestions several months ago. Last time we visited, my mother-in-law handed us a list of names. In Chinese. Which neither of us reads. Actually, Daniel reads a few words, mostly those he remembers from when he was 6 and was reading kids' books in Hong Kong. Horse, dog, cat, etc. But not names.

So, when they visited this past weekend, we asked if they could write down the names in English for us. My mother-in-law (who made up the names) said she couldn't, because she didn't know the official translations. So she needed to ask the uncles and aunts to make sure she was getting them right. This confused me, but, whatever.

Today, my brother-in-law finally sent the short list, in English, to Daniel. Which Daniel forwarded to me, then came into the cubicle where I'm working (I'm at his office again), laughing out loud. Because, out of the 8 names on the list, one was "Man Dick" and another "Man Ho". We got a good 30 minutes amusement out of that. Then crossed them off our short list as to avoid having to pay huge therapy bills someday for Lucky.

I love cross- cultural life. :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A weird correlation

For some reason, every time I have nothing to do at work, we have glorious weather in Seattle. Beautiful sunny skies, and a warm day. And inside I sit, staring longingly out the window. But not in the direction of the hotel next door, because there are naked people over there. We hadn't had a sighting in a while, but yesterday my coworker came in to tell me to not look outside, because he had just spotted a naked tourist wandering around his hotel room with the curtains open.

Yesterday I did manage to get outside in the evening, and went for a waddle around Green Lake with my best friend. We had a good time catching up on stuff. She's a school teacher, and is in the midst of the last 12 days of school. Not that she's counting or anything. I made remarkably good time around the lake, I thought, although it took about twice as long as usual. I'm just not moving that fast. Although, on Sunday, Daniel and I were walking the few blocks home from the Seattle Center, and saw an old lady with a walker several blocks ahead of us. And we caught up with her and passed her! Major accomplishment, if you ask me.

Funny thing happened this weekend. Last week I purchased a little lingerie bag at the local Japanese "stuff" store (that's really the only way to describe it) for the purpose of washing the baby's little socks, hats, etc. I also picked up a little mesh bag for washing bras. It is cylindrical in shape and is supposed to hold one bra. Well, on Sunday I got ready to do laundry, and thought I'd try using the bra holder when I washed the nursing bra that I just purchased in preparation for post-baby. I opened the bra holder, grabbed my bra, and started laughing out loud. What I had neglected to think of was that the bra holder is made for Japanese woman bras. And I am the complete opposite of an Asian woman in terms of the bosom area- I'm of good German stock, and am currently 7 months pregnant. My bra is like Godzilla to a Japanese woman's bra. The bra holder didn't stand a chance. I ended up using it to wash out some re-usable nursing pads instead.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Darn it

We had an appointment this AM with my regular doctor. I was really hoping that she'd forbid me from going on the trip that I have to take for work later this week. No such luck. She just asked if I had to make the 5 hour drive alone, suggested other options (which wont work because of my schedule for the day) and then generally looked unhappy about the idea. But didn't forbid the trip. Darn it. Now Daniel's all worried about me driving alone, and truthfully, he doesn't need anything else to worry about. He's a quiet worrier. He's like a squirrel- he grabs the worries and stores them away, hidden somewhere. So it looks like he has no worries, when, in reality, he has a huge pile of them somewhere out of sight.

We had a good, if exhausting weekend. It concluded with us meeting up with our marriage mentors last night. That was good. They were really helpful with some suggestions for conflict resolution. We don't fight often, but when we do, Daniel tends to shut down completely, and I say every random thought that crosses my mind. Not a good combo. We both need to work on that. But we got some good ideas last night. Now I just need to pick a fight about something so we can try them out. ;) Given my current not-so-stable mental state, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

I apparently only remembered to put hairspray in half of my hair this morning. I'm going to look interesting by the end of the day. I want my brain back.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sunday morning

Tennis players really grunt a lot during matches, don't they? Daniel turned on the French Open, then went to get ready for church. I could change the channel, but it's way too much effort to walk 7 feet across our living room to the TV. So I'm just listening while I websurf instead.


We got a stroller this weekend! We managed to find it slightly used on Craigslist, which is impressive, since it's a new model. The previous owner bought it a month ago, then sold it because she was too tall for it. Not an issue we have.
Okay, off to church now.

Friday, June 8, 2007

And, finally Friday

Just sitting here at work, waiting for my coworker to return from his wife's "big ultrasound" and hear what gender of munchkin they're going to bring into the world. Trying to stay focused on the report I'm reading, but that's easier said than done. Every morning I hop out of bed with lots of energy, get ready for work, ride the bus to work, and by the time I walk the 3-6 blocks (depending on which bus I caught) to the office, I'm ready to go back to bed. It's vaguely ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that I can start out walking fairly normally, but by the time I get to work, I have developed a distinct waddle. Some mornings I feel like a waddling admonishment to use birth control.

I made a meet-and-greet appointment with a pediatrician, finally. It's at the pediatric clinic associated with the hospital where I'll be delivering. So, we'd be treated by a resident. Daniel isn't thrilled about that, just because the resident would leave after a year or two, and we'd have to switch doctors then. I cant seem to muster up any concern about that idea. We'll see what we think next month at the appointment, and if he's still uncomfortable with it, I'll go back to looking around for a doctor. I just want it done though.

My BP was high last night. Really really high. I don't usually take it right when I get home from work, but I did yesterday for some reason. It came down later and stayed down. Hopefully it was a fluke. I really don't want to have to add any more medication to my body at this point.

We're off to a play tonight, looking forward to that. Just a little local one at a local playhouse. I'm looking forward to dinner out and the show. I keep hearing that we need to fit these things in now, so we're doing our best!

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Thursday

I have got to remember that things in life are not all about me. I've really been stressing Daniel out lately, and I didn't even realize it. He's not one to really discuss his feelings, and I often take his silence as meaning that everything is fine in his world. Then I proceed to tell him every minute detail of every worry I have, and he files that away and begins quietly worrying about those things himself. On top of his work worries, and issues with his friends and family, and his own concerns about becoming a parent. I need to reinstall my mental/verbal filter.

I hit a landmark yesterday- for the first time, someone took one look at me when I got on the bus and jumped up to give me his seat. I was pretty tired yesterday, so that was really nice. The other thing I find amusing about actually looking pregnant, is the looks of concern that I occasionally get when I get on an elevator at my office. Our building's elevators have been known to get stuck, and people always look at my belly when I get on, and then I practically hear them thinking "please don't let me get stuck in here with the pregnant girl".

I get to read about arsenic and dirt again all day today!! I'm so lucky!

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

A little mind-numbing

I've been reading articles about arsenic levels in dirt for the past 6.5 hours. This cannot be good for my brain. Lucky has been alternating between kicking me and hiccupping, making concentration very difficult. I'm starting to seriously wonder if I'm going to be able to work until August.

200 days!

According to my pregnancy ticker, today is pregnancy day 200. I told Daniel that this morning, and he looked at me in shock and said "You've been pregnant for 200 days?" It's gone pretty fast and at the same time it seems a million years ago that I was charting my temps and waiting for the day to test.

God really blessed me last night. Daniel and I went up to Upper Queen Anne to browse a little bookstore up there and have a hot chocolate before heading home. And I managed to talk him into having pizza for dinner (only the second time in the whole pregnancy!), so that was fun. I also got 3 phone calls from friends in the early evening, all of which were fun, light conversations, which is what I really needed yesterday. And one of the post-baby things that I've been most worried about/obsessing over seems to be resolving itself, which is a huge relief.

And, most importantly for my mental state, I had the time to sit down and make spreadsheets last night. Packing for the hospital spreadsheet, to-do in the next few weeks spreadsheet, who to call/email from the hospital spreadsheet. This has made me feel much more in control of things, which makes me endlessly happy. I really love lists and organization.

So, now it's time to read about arsenic for the next 8 hours and try to stay awake at my desk. Hopefully I'll be successful!

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Emotional doors

I'm feeling selfish again this week. Seems like a bunch of people that I know are having problems and stresses and dramas, and I cant deal with it. The space in my brain that's reserved for compassion and worry and trying to figure things out is completely full. With worrying about how much more weight I'll gain, and if the massive amount of furniture/stuff in my condo is going to drive my minimalist self nuts, and childbirth, and hating the idea of having people coming to visit me after the baby is born, and a general feeling of being completely unprepared for having a child in ~9.5 weeks. I don't have the emotional energy left to write encouraging emails or call people and see how they are. I just cant do it.

So now I feel guilty about that too.

On a happy note, we got the crib and mattress this weekend and got it set up in the baby's room. So we're ready, furniture-wise. So far the cats have stayed out of the crib. We'll see how long that lasts.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Please, may I have some coffee?

I try to limit myself to one caffeinated drink per day, sometimes none at all. Today I think I need about a gallon of coffee. I slept poorly last night. So did my poor husband. This was partially because it was hot in our condo, and partially because I was uncomfortable. Something was hurting/aching. I don't really even know what. I'm kind of realizing that it's not worth the effort to figure out what's causing my mild aches and pains or even where exactly the ache du'jour is located. I did get some cute and not too expensive new clothes yesterday at Motherhood and at Ross. And I cleaned my closet of the pre-pregnancy clothes that a) never fit me that well or b) didn't make me feel good about myself. Daniel has promised that I can buy new clothes post-baby, so it's a good time to clean.

Today I am working from here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satsop,_Washington
It really has to be seen to be believed. I'm at Daniel's main office, working in...a cubicle. I have a lovely office in a tall, downtown skyscraper, with a view of streets and trees and people, and a view of the Space Needle from the hallway directly outside my office. So working in a cubicle under artificial lights takes some getting used to. But, his main office is on the way to Portland (where we're heading this weekend), so it made sense to come work from here this morning. But right now, I'm a little uncertain as to whether I'm going to be working next time Daniel drops by my cubicle, or whether I'll be curled up snoring under the desk. Tired+cubicle+nearly complete silence (there are few people working in this section of their offices) does not equal a productive worker.

We're going to buy a crib this weekend! Then the nursery will be almost finished!