Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Overwhelming

Before I get in to the real post, I thought I'd answer a question from a previous post. Yes, Daniel is Canadian- his family emigrated there from Hong Kong when he was 8. So he's a Canadian citizen and Ethan will be as well, once we finally get ourselves up to Canada and get the pictures taken for his application. The Canadian government is beyond picky for the requirements for the photos, so we have to wait until we're in Canada, as American photographers are just too confused by the whole thing.

Anyway.

I am reading a novel right now, and it's a good book. By Luanne Rice, called What Matters Most. And in this book, the main characters are trying to find a son they gave up for adoption 23 years before. In one section, the mother is describing how she felt when she held her newborn son and then had to give him away. I was completely unprepared for my reaction to this. The deep pain that I felt for this fictional character and the almost overwhelming sense of nausea and the thought of giving away a baby. It just made me want to run into Ethan's room and grab him and hold him. I don't know how people find the strength to make that sort of decision- even though they know it's right for the baby- I just can't imagine.

I'm still so caught off guard by the depth of my love for Ethan. Especially since it took a while- I was not a mother who deeply loved her baby at first sight. I liked him and worried about him and wanted to take care of him, but this love took time. People try to explain mother-love, but it truly is incomprehensible until you live it.

Okay, I have to stop posting and go hug my baby. Naptime be damned.

2 comments:

carrie said...

Yes, mama-love is strong. And it only gets worse (or better, depending on how you look at it)! :)

The Tacheny's said...

It is nice that you can have empathy for a b-mom. I think it helps us understand better the whole complex issue of adoption. It will allow you to help your son later when he has questions.
:)