Monday, November 5, 2007

I think I might be sick

I just logged in to our bank account to check on the status of a few things, so that I could update my records in Money. And there was a direct deposit from my company. MY LAST REAL PAYCHECK. As of last week, I've wiped out my vacation/sick time, and am no longer receiving a full paycheck. I'm still working a few hours here and there and will, for the next few months, probably make a few hundred dollars each month from that. But not my usual amount of income. Even if/when I go back to work this spring, it'll only be part-time, and 99.9-120% of my paycheck will go to daycare.

I'm suddenly feeling kind of overwhelmed. Not about the finances necessarily, my husband has a good paying job, so I'm blessed to be one of those women whose paycheck is just icing on the family's income cake. Just overwhelmed because in some ways, that was my last hold on my old life. The life where I got dressed up and went to work in my downtown office, my high heeled shoes clicking on the halls of the building.

Now I'm sitting on my living room floor, wearing my pajamas, working on a laptop while watching my baby carry on a long conversation with the toys hanging down from the top of his playmat. I'd give anything to know what he's talking about with them. This is a good life, a wonderful life. But it's so different from where I was just a year ago. So much different that it still catches me off guard and simultaneously fills me up with so many different emotions that I want to either cry, laugh or vomit.

Well, Ethan's calm and hopefully drifting off to sleep, so I should go work and earn my few dollars for the month. Daniel has said that any money I earn can be mine to do whatever I want with. I'm sensing a trip to Sephora in my near future!


carrie said...

I rmemeber this feeling too -- although I was just leaving college and didn't even have a job to speak of!

It's a transition . . . and it's completely normal to feel this way.

carrie said...

And see, 10 years later and your mom brain takes over and you can't even REMEMBER how to spell "remember"! :)

Karen said...

Yeah, it's a wierd adjustment. I remember it well. Now I'm at the extreme other end of the spectrum. I love my freedom so much I can't stand the thought of going back to a "real job".

Stephanie said...

Yeah, that's why I do Mary Kay. Makes me feel like a professional woman.

Stephanie said...

Oh hey, I may be heading over to the children's museum sometime this week. Send me an email at and we'll see if we can't go together.