Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Physical appearance

One of my major struggles these days is with my physical appearance. To get right to the point, I'm not very happy with it. Still packing around 25 extra pounds of weight (20 of which were gained in pregnancy, 5 during the holidays before pregnancy). I've lost the "baby" weight- that came off pretty quickly. Now I'm left with "I'm pregnant and can't do anything fun and feel sorry for myself, so I'll eat cake" weight. I'm only 5 feet tall, so 25 pounds is huge.

And my hair, my beautiful new haircut that I was so excited about a couple of weeks ago- not looking so great right now. Darn it. I have challenging hair, to say the least. It's actually a lot better right now than usual, since it still hasn't started its post-pregnancy suicide.

I know how to lose the weight. I just don't want to do the things I need to do. So I have no one to blame but myself for my physical appearance. And my hair would probably look better if I went somewhere that charged more than $15 for a haircut. Which Daniel said I was free to do, that I deserved a nice haircut if that would make me happy. But I couldn't do it. I'm just too cheap. When it came down to it, I went to the academy for a fancy Seattle salon, not the salon itself.

I just feel so self-conscious about my appearance these days. I feel like when I meet people, they look at Ethan, comment on his cuteness, then that conversation topic is exhausted, because he still doesn't do much worthy of conversation. Then attention shifts to me, and that's terrifying. I should just show people the stretch marks on my stomach, then they'd run away in fear, and I wouldn't have to worry anymore. I do exercise, which is something. Not the world's best exercising, since my energy level is pretty low by the evening. But it's a start.

I just need to suck it up and get my act together. I know that my self-image and my marriage and my energy level would all improve if I can eat better and exercise more vigorously. And I could wear my cute clothes again then! Hopefully I'll manage to get my brain and my body on the same page soon.


carrie said...

You summed up what moms everywhere feel! And I had my "baby" almost 4 years ago . . . so what's my reason? Well, the good thing is that we're thinking about and doing some things that will make us feel better, inside and out!

And btw, I think you look marvelous!

BJ said...

Awww...I'm sorry you're struggling. I have no sage advice for you, as I have gained 30 lbs. from before first baby to last baby, and I can't get it off either. Well, I probably could. But that means self-discipline. It's so hard. My husband is sweet to me, but I am not happy with it. Would a lose-weight partner help you? If one of the other moms you know is also struggling, you two could work on it together. I'm thinking I might just do that with a couple friends of mine.