I have two needs these days- sleep and time to myself. Right now it's 11:30 PM, my husband is asleep (mostly), my baby is asleep (hallelujah) and I am awake, playing on the computer. The reason that I am awake and playing on the computer is simple- my husband and baby are asleep. I love them both dearly, but when they are awake, they are either demanding my attention or just generally making noise and being distracting. This is not their fault. After all, we live in a 900 square foot condo, so we are frequently getting in each other's way.
But, right now, they're asleep, and I am free to do whatever I want. I have no distractions and no one bothering me. Other than our two completely insane cats, who are chasing each other around the house at the moment.
I find that I crave this time- the time to just play and blog and read and zone out. I also find that at 2 AM when the baby needs me again, I regret taking this time. Nevertheless, here I am again, on the computer instead of sleeping. My beloved just stuck his head out of the bedroom a minute ago to see why I was still up (I so should have lied and claimed the baby was keeping me up- would have gotten sympathy points then!) and asked if I was coming to bed soon. I do like to snuggle with him, so I'm sure my alone time will soon end.
Is this what motherhood is? A constant weighing of needs to see which one wins out at the moment, never mind the price that will be paid when other needs aren't met?