For once I cant blame the baby for my poor sleep. This time it's his daddy's fault.
I love my husband. He's a genuinely good, happy person. Always in a good mood. I've known him for 3.5 years, and his relentless cheerfulness still frightens me sometimes. I'm much MUCH more dark. But it works for us, most of the time.
Last night we were in bed and starting to drift off to sleep. He turned to me and said "So I've been thinking about this idea." I quickly asked what topic we were going to be on, because he has been known to totally lose me in these types of conversations. Turns out we were preparing to discuss website designs. He has an idea for a website- a pretty good one, actually. He explained the idea to me and we chatted about some of the logistics a bit. Then he said that he wanted to talk about it with a programmer friend and see if they could start working on a rough draft. Perhaps get some lower level programmers working on design and research. Which is where "Carrie-brain" kicked in. My husband is a dreamer at times, and I am a feet-planted-firmly-on-the-ground realist. It's been one of the larger challenges in our marriage- him presenting an idea and me already being 3 miles down the road of why it wont work. I tried to be good last night. I calmly mentioned that he needed to be careful, because as of Thursday, I'm out of work for 6 months, and even after that, my income after daycare costs wont be useful for much more than coffee money.
So, then he said "yeah, I'll probably do a lot of the research myself." That's the other thing that I really did not need to hear, that my husband, who already works way too many hours and needs to be surgically removed from his Blackberry, is making plans for things to do in his spare time. Which I'm betting he's not going to have a whole lot of as of next week.
That was my night last night, lying in bed, trying to not fret on his plans to spend money and time that we don't really have. I should know better than to worry, because he's one to put out big ideas, then when reality hits, he'll put things in the right place in his life. I know he's not going to be a hands-off dad, he's going to try to do too much- I'm going to have to keep an eye on him to make sure he gets enough rest and doesn't take on too many things around the house. And I know that his cheap side will prevent him from spending much of our savings. I hate the idea that I turned part of his excitement into more stress. I hate the fact that I cant just be more excited about his plans and trust that reality will kick in soon. I plead emotional instability.
Marriage is hard, sometimes, even when you're married to the world's calmest, nicest person.
I need a nap.