Wednesday, August 8, 2007

No space for us- again

Once again, the hospital is full. They said they might call me later this afternoon to get us in. I'm not 100% upset, because, honestly, I'm contemplating calling the whole thing off. I'm having a hard time getting in touch with my doctor right now to talk it over with her, but hopefully we'll manage to find her soon. I just don't see any point in putting myself through all this again, when we did everything medically possible on Saturday/Sunday, and made no progress. And I'm still not having contractions, and the baby is still very high in my body, so I don't see why this time would be any different.

Not to mention the fact that I'm incredibly discouraged, so I'm starting out this induction attempt in a bad mood, which cant be good for anyone. I just cant go through 2 more days of being stuck in a hospital bed, with a constant stream of new doctors and nurses telling me that what they are doing will work, when it's the same thing that the previous shift's doctors and nurses tried and which didn't work.

And, you know what else? I'm feeling guilty on top of everything, because my not wanting to do this has WAY more to do with my discomfort than about the baby. Everyone kept saying I must have been so upset that the last induction didnt work, because I didnt get to meet Lucky. And sure, that's part of it. But a small part. Mostly I was upset because the IV hurt and my hands are bruised and my feet swollen, and I had to run around with my bum hanging out of the hospital gown, and strange people were sticking their hands up inside me to torture my cervix, and it all made me feel about 3 inches tall and so so unhappy.

I'm a complete mess today.

3 comments:

MamaBear of The Potter Place said...

Sending a big hug your way. Find a comfy chair (or couch), get yourslf a good book (or movie) and a tall glass of something cold, and just wait it out. He'll get tired of being crowded eventually ...

Karen said...

I'm with mamabear. Snuggle up somewhere off of your feet and just rest your weary self. He'll come when he's ready and it will be a better experience for everyone involved (as far as childbirth goes, haha).

Take care of yourself, eat more ice cream, take a warm bath, indulge yourself a bit in the things that lift your spirits.

I'm sorry you're so miserable and discouraged. It's hard, I agree.

kate said...

Is there a reason you are trying to induce right now? I'm sorry, I may have missed something as I haven't read all the history. Have you passed 40 weeks? Obviously you are very uncomfortable and tired right now, I totally understand, but it seems baby is holding out for some reason.

If nothing is wrong, I agree with the other commenters...relax, relax, relax, and indulge in the things you and your husband love to do together.

Praying for you!!!