Once again, the hospital is full. They said they might call me later this afternoon to get us in. I'm not 100% upset, because, honestly, I'm contemplating calling the whole thing off. I'm having a hard time getting in touch with my doctor right now to talk it over with her, but hopefully we'll manage to find her soon. I just don't see any point in putting myself through all this again, when we did everything medically possible on Saturday/Sunday, and made no progress. And I'm still not having contractions, and the baby is still very high in my body, so I don't see why this time would be any different.
Not to mention the fact that I'm incredibly discouraged, so I'm starting out this induction attempt in a bad mood, which cant be good for anyone. I just cant go through 2 more days of being stuck in a hospital bed, with a constant stream of new doctors and nurses telling me that what they are doing will work, when it's the same thing that the previous shift's doctors and nurses tried and which didn't work.
And, you know what else? I'm feeling guilty on top of everything, because my not wanting to do this has WAY more to do with my discomfort than about the baby. Everyone kept saying I must have been so upset that the last induction didnt work, because I didnt get to meet Lucky. And sure, that's part of it. But a small part. Mostly I was upset because the IV hurt and my hands are bruised and my feet swollen, and I had to run around with my bum hanging out of the hospital gown, and strange people were sticking their hands up inside me to torture my cervix, and it all made me feel about 3 inches tall and so so unhappy.
I'm a complete mess today.