Friday, August 24, 2007


I probably wont be blogging too much next week, as my parents will be arriving for a week and a half long visit on Sunday night. But I might find some time. Who knows. It's not like they're going to actually let me hold my baby the whole time they're here :)

Just getting ready to feed the baby, again, before we head out to the hospital for a quick check-up for me. I haven't taken Ethan out of the house by myself yet, and I haven't driven anywhere in close to a month, so this will be an adventure. Hopefully he'll be in a sleepy stage and not a screaming-for-food stage.

It's kind of weird- today is 2 weeks since Ethan was born, and I just cant help thinking back to the events of 2 weeks ago and being a little sad. Which is strange, because I was never one with a real idea of how I wanted labor to go. My real birth plan was "go to hospital, bring home baby." Which didn't actually happen on one of the two hospital stays, but in the end it came true. I'm not sure why I'm sad. Maybe just because it was such a long process and because we had so many problems. I'm still a little irrationally upset that Daniel and I both missed the birth- that we didn't get that moment of excitement when the baby finally is pushed out. Truth is, it's really a lot better that Daniel wasn't in the room for the c-section, since they had so much trouble with it, and I wouldn't have wanted to be awake for it either. But still, we missed the birth of our baby. The first thing I remember is the nurses waking me up and saying "look, there's your son" and feeling a huge sense of confusion as to what they were talking about. I know things worked out for the best, and in the end Ethan and I were both safe and healthy, and that's what should matter. Maybe I just need to be a little sad for a while.

We're slowly reintegrating ourselves into normal life. Yesterday we went for a walk at the Seattle Center with my friend. Tomorrow we're planning a trip to Target (need more diapers!) and we're tentatively planning to go to church on Sunday. The main issue is not actually Ethan, it's that I'm not good enough at feeding him to do it in public, and I start leaking after about 2 hours, so our outings are limited on time for now. Hopefully we'll get those things figured out soon! I know I feel a lot better emotionally when I'm not stuck inside the condo 24-7.

Okay, time to go feed the munchkin. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend and that the weather isn't too horribly hot where you are. It's gorgeous here- come visit Seattle!


Karen said...

Have a great week with your parents and let your mom do all kinds of nice things to take care of you.

I relate to your sadness thing. I missed all of my oldest's first day of life. They whisked him away after birth for monitoring (I hadn't even seen his face yet!) and by the time he was brought back to me I was so violently ill I couldn't hold him and then I fell into a drug induced sleep for the ENTIRE day. I watch his home movies of that day and I still feel sick that in every shot I am conked out in bed while people come in and out to visit and my husband feeds and changes his first diapers. Seven years later I still get that sad twinge. It's hard when things don't go the way we had hoped and expected. The good news is that all of your children's births (if you choose to have more) will probably not happen the way Ethan's did.

All that to say, I understand. Completely. And I'm sorry that you have to feel those emotions. Not a lot of fun.

I hope your outing goes well!

JaniceNW said...

Try to enjoy the grandparents. My mom would try and make a helpful comment and I'd be gritting my teeth. Breastfeeding is something only you can do. Use that if you need it. Enjoy the weekend and take naps if offered!!!!

kate said...

You have every right to mourn the fact that things did not go as you planned. Actually birthing a baby is a strange and complicated thing, and there are many ways it can go wrong...for every great story you hear, you also hear several disappointing ones. I'm sorry it didn't happen the way you imagined, but you seem to have the right attitude about it.

I don't mean to state the obvious, but have you picked up some good nursing pads? Lansinoh makes a really nice thick pad, which I used occasionally, but for the most part I used Gerber because I did not leak heavily. They're cheap and disposable and prevent the embarrassing wet circles on your shirt!

Occidental Girl said...

Oh, I get that feeling of how weird it is to have had a child after only a few weeks.

I encourage you to take your time with the public breastfeeding thing. If you aren't ready, don't force it. There'll be pleeeeenty of time for it when you ARE ready. It's hard to feed a baby when you're stressed out, and they sense that you're stress out and become agitated, and it all gets very hard very fast, and then there's more anxiety because oh my, I'm in public!

So yeah, take your time.

Karen said...

I am going through Pictures of Ethan withdrawals. He's probably grown a foot this week.

kyouell said...

I haven't seen anyone else say it so I will: don't forget to get some lanolin. Lansinoh is what I bought. Got it at Target right there on the aisle with the breast pads. It seems expensive, but that little tube lasted me 2 years. And it's great on little patches of eczema that the baby can get when the teething & drooling starts up. It's also good for chapped lips on kids & grown ups. Good stuff.