Monday, February 12, 2007

Monday afternoon musings

By nature, I am not what you would call a cheerful person. I'm friendly and generally energetic and I may seem happy on the surface, but my sense of humor is considered to be a little dark. I also tend toward dramatic ups and downs in my moods. I'm a bit of a drama queen and yes, the world does revolve around me. And yes, I do realize I'm in for a very rude awakening in about 6 months, when the world suddenly does not revolve around me any longer.

That all said, I'm even starting to get on my own nerves with my moods lately. I'm not depressed, I'm just tired and discouraged. In my normal life, I dont get sick often, and when I do, I'm pretty annoying about it. This creates a problem, since I've essentially been sick in one way or another since the beginning of December. So I whine about it, and annoy myself and all around me. Truly, I want to tell Daniel that I'm feeling great at the end of the day when we meet up, but the truth is, he's not really going to be fooled by my comments, since I'm usually a lovely shade of grey by the evenings and look like I've been run over by a small vehicle of some sort. I got a little upset last night by all this feeling rotten. Daniel was very sweet, as he always is. The man has an endless source of patience, and I feel bad about always dumping things on him, since he's got enough stress going on at his job lately.

I think the other thing that has me a little down is that I dont have many friends in the area, and the few friends I do have, I never see. And there's only one other pregnant person in my circle of few local friends, so my life is about to be very different from most of theirs. There are some lovely people at church, but I havent managed to get to a point where I would consider anyone a friend. Which is just life in the adult world, I realize, but it's frustrating when there's just so much going on, and so few people to talk it over with. Which leads back to the guilt of dumping everything on Daniel, all the time.

Did I mention that I'm hosting a baby shower in a few weeks? It was supposed to be at the end of March, but the mother asked if we could move it up. I have been to ONE baby shower in my life. I have no idea what one eats at a baby shower, what to do (games-wise), or anything else that's expected of me. Worrying about this kept me awake from 3:30-4:30 AM today.

1 comment:

Karen said...

The things you read, watch, and the people you talk to make pregnancy sound like it should be this magical time in your life. And in some ways it can be or it is. But truthfully, it's also a very traumatic time. There is so much change going on in your body, your hormones, and your life that it's not always much fun. For some people it's heavenly, for others it's misery.

Personally, I was miserable with all three of my pregnancies from the moment I peed on the stick and got two pink lines to the moment they popped out. I'm just not a good pregnant lady.

Don't be hard on yourself. Be gentle with your needs, be patient with the changes, and remind yourself that it won't last forever. Even though that probably won't help a WHOLE lot. Pregnancy is difficult. It just is.