Friday, December 29, 2006

A long weekend ahead

I'm sitting at work this morning, practically counting the minutes until I get to go meet my husband for lunch. He took today off work (a miracle) and I'm leaving early. We need a break. Lots of socializing on the schedule this weekend. It should be a good one.

So, I'm 8 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow. It's still really strange. I'm not excited about the baby yet. Nervous, yes. Hopeful, yes. Excited, no. I havent been sick lately, so honestly I just feel like I'm tired from working too much or sleeping badly. I dont feel pregnant. Which makes it hard to be excited about a baby possibly coming in 32 weeks. And I think the fear of something happening to this baby also is really overwhelming.

But this weekend I'm going to try to not worry. I've been trying to focus on the verse from the Bible (Phil 4:6) that says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." I am thankful for the blessing of pregnancy and the hope of a child in the summer. And I know God is in control and loves the baby so much more than I ever could. And that gives me some measure of peace.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006


I'm starting this blog as a way to deal with the stress of my pregnancy. I'm married to the most wonderful man on the planet, and we're expecting our first child late next summer.

So far things are going well. A little too well for me. I've developed an unusual aversion to all food groups that are not primarily made up of carbs, but overall I'm not that ill. And I thought I wasnt that moody, until I talked to my doctor's office today.

I originally had an appointment scheduled for the middle of January, at which I assumed we'd be able to hear the heartbeat of our baby. I had to call today to discuss a medication (that another doctor was unconcerned about when I went in 2 weeks ago), and they told me to stop taking my medication immediately, and rescheduled my appointment for next week. But, at this appointment it will be too soon to hear the heartbeat via Doppler, and they dont do routine ultrasounds this early.

So I'm a little sad. I had hoped to know soon that things are okay in there. And we wanted to wait until we heard the heartbeat to start telling people about the baby. But I'm finding that remarkably difficult. It's tough being scared and stressed and tired and not having anyone know why. In another strange twist of fate, both of my best friends are out of the country, or else I would have caved in and told them by now.

This is much harder than I ever imagined.